The Witness
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that question."
Showing posts with label About Lawyers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label About Lawyers. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Profesions Fight
Profesions Fight
Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," says the attorney, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you." While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe and spits in it.
When he returns with the coke, the other physician says, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the attorney obligingly fetches the drink. While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe and spits in it. The lawyer comes back and they all sit back and enjoy the flight.
As the plane is landing, however, the attorney slips his feet into his shoes and realizes immediately what has happened. "How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," says the attorney, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you." While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe and spits in it.
When he returns with the coke, the other physician says, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the attorney obligingly fetches the drink. While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe and spits in it. The lawyer comes back and they all sit back and enjoy the flight.
As the plane is landing, however, the attorney slips his feet into his shoes and realizes immediately what has happened. "How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Divorce Lawyer
Divorce Lawyer
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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