New Rooster

New Rooster

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."
The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! -- he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Damn...third gay rooster I've bought this month."

NIGHT COURSES

NIGHT COURSES

During work, John and William were chatting:
John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week. William: oh!
John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell? 
William: No
John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this. 

The next day, the same discussion took place:
 John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas? 
William: No John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:
John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau? 
William: No John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this. 

This time, William got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who is George Hunt?" 
John: No 
William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this...

Family Problems

Family Problems

Once two men sat in a bar drinking. The first one said to the other ,"I have a hell lot of family problems."

 The second one said ,"I'll tell you mine. I married a widow having a young daughter. My father married my daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems !! ".

[Dirty Jokes] Tree Huggers

While walking through the forests a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..."

So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this the other guy, slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "Cupcake, this just ain't gonna be your day..."

(the rest you should think about it...) :)