What this people do when got stranded?

A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:

• 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
• 2 French men and 1 French woman
• 2 German men and 1 German woman
• 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
• 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
• 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
• 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
• 2 American men and 1 American woman
• 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman

One month later, on various parts of the island, the following was observed:

• One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
• The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.
• The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
• The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.
• The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.
• The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican woman.
• The two Irish men began by dividing up their part of the island into Northern & Southern parts, and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember the Irish woman because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey; but at least the English are not getting any.
• The two American men are contemplating suicide. The American woman is bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of the household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much better, and how her relationship with her mother is improving. 

What happened to the Indians ?
The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman!!! ..... .


^_^

Family Problems

Family Problems

Once two men sat in a bar drinking. The first one said to the other ,"I have a hell lot of family problems."

 The second one said ,"I'll tell you mine. I married a widow having a young daughter. My father married my daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems !! ".

What A Dirty Boy Wrote To His Girlfriend

Read what a dirty boy wrote to his girl friend. How can any one write like that?

"The great love that I have for you
is gone, and I find my dislike for you
grows everyday. When I see you,
I do not even like your face;
the one thing that I want to do is to
look at other girls. I never wanted to
marry you. Our last conversation
was very boring and has not
made me look forward to seeing you again.
You think only of yourself.
If we were married, I know that I would find
life very difficult, and I would have no
pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
to give, but it is not something that
I want to give to you. No one is more
foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
able to take care for me and help me
I sincerely want you to understand that
I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
if you think this is the end. Do not try
to answer this. Your letters are full of
things that do not interest me. You have no
true love for me. Good-bye ! Believe me,
I do not care for you. Please do not think that
I am still your boyfriend."


Now read between the lines. Read the bold part only.

Hand Off The Door Bell

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home. As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss ?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "
Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
" No way, it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
" No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
" No, no. I just can't"
" I'm begging you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled. And in a sleepy voice she said, " Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....

"TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL!!!"

:)

Interview with an OBGYN

Interview with an OBGYN

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).

Q: How long is the average woman in labor? A: Whatever she says divided by two. Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

don't be too serious... :)
Note: Ob/Gyn is a short term of Obstetrics and gynaecology are the two surgical–medical specialties dealing with the female reproductive organs in their pregnant and non-pregnant state, respectively, and as such are often combined to form a single medical specialty and postgraduate training programme.

What's the time by ur watch?

Young Man: Sir, may I know what's the time by ur watch?
Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to lose,if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.
Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?
Young Man: Possible

Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you & you will admire my daughter.
Young Man: Smiles. Wink  :)

Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.
Young Man: Smiles :)

Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.
Young Man: Smiles :))

Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.
Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles

Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.

Suggested Phrases for Employees

If you appraise your employees performance right now, think about a few suggested phrases below:

For the chronically absent:
"A man like him is hard to find."
"It seemed her career was just taking off." 

For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here." 
"We generally found him loaded with work to do." 
"Every hour with him was a happy hour." 

For an employee with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in." 
"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you." 
"He consistently achieves the low standards he sets for himself." 

For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left_inner unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job." 

For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment." 
"All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly." 

For a stupid employee:
"There is nothing you can teach a man like him." 
"I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever." 

For a dishonest employee: 
"Her true ability was deceiving." 
"He's an unbelievable worker."

[Dirty Jokes] Tree Huggers

While walking through the forests a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..."

So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this the other guy, slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "Cupcake, this just ain't gonna be your day..."

(the rest you should think about it...) :)

Anagram

PRINCESS DIANA When you rearrange the letters: END IS A CAR SPIN.

MONICA LEWINSKY When you rearrange the letters: NICE SILKY WOMAN.

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM.

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER.

DESPERATION When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT.

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE.

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE.

and for the finale...  (Just for Fun)

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER (Not all the MILs) :)

note:
anagram is a word or phrase the letters of which can be rearranged into another word or phrase

Somethings not to do

• Don't attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you. 
• Don't be afraid of opposition.
• Remember a kite rises against, not with the wind. 
• Don't be afraid of tomorrow, for God has already been there. 
• Don't be afraid to learn. 
• Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily. 
• Don't be angry at a friend who told your secret, for neither could you keep it to yourself.
• Don't be concerned others not appreciating you. Be concerned about your not appreciating others (Confucius). 
• Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted. 
• Don't be so Heavenly minded that you do no earthly good. 
• Don't control, be in control. 
• Don't count the days, make the days count. (Mohammed Ali) 
• Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. 
• Don't ever slam a door- you may want to go back. 
• Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. 
• The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have,might have, and should have. (Louis E. Boone) 
• Don't get good at doing something if you don't like doing it. 
• Don't get married only because of the money. You can borrow it cheaper. 
• Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. 
• Don't kill the dream - execute it! 
• Don't learn the tricks of the trade, learn the trade. 
• Don't let anybody walk through your mind with dirty feet. (Gandhi) 
• Don't let people drive you crazy when it is within walking distance. 
• Don't let time take control of your destiny.Let your destiny take control of your time. (Ulrick Ricardo Milord) 
• Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. (John Wooden).
• Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. 
• Don't limit your challenges - challenge your limits. 
• Don't listen to what I say; listen to what I mean. 
• Don't love the things! you own, lest they own you. 
• Don't measure your life by how many breaths you take, measure it by how many times you get your breath taken away. 
• Don't pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger people.

Mental Hospital Joke - I've got the key!

A mental hospital was critically overcrowded. The doctor decides to get all the patients seated in one large room to conduct a test to see how many they discharge that day. At the front of the room the Doctors took some chalk and drew a full size door on a Blackboard and offered an ice cream to any patient who could open the door.

There was a mad rush for the door with the patients scratching and clawing at the door and the handle.

The doctors were disappointed, until they noticed a single patient who remained in his chair and was quietly chuckling to himself as he watched his fellow patients. Encouraged that at least one patient could be discharged today, the doctors asked him why he wasn't trying to open the door. The patient, who could no longer contain his laughter, shouted, "I've got the key!"

The Boss

A guy calls up his Boss, but gets the boss's wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week", she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week".
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"



"Because . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ." :)

Directory Enquiries

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please."

After a while....
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."

Jack Phone Number

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

Opening Hours

Customer:  "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours."

Too Stupid to Own a Computer

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?' Caller: 'They disappeared. '
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.' Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.' Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??' Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!! !