The Result of Intiative
Some years ago, three brothers left the farm to work in the city. They were all hired by the same company at the same pay. Three years later, Jim was being paid $500 a month, Frank was receiving $1,000, but George was now making $1,500. Their father decided to visit the employer.
He listened to the confused father and said, "I will let the boys explain for themselves." Jim was summoned to the supervisor's office and was told, "Jim, I understand the Far East Importers has just brought in a large transport plane loaded with Japanese import goods. Will you please go over to the airport and get a cargo inventory?"
Three minutes later, Jim returned to the office. "The cargo was one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," Jim reported. "I got the information over the telephone from a member of the crew."
When Jim left, Frank, the $1,000 a month brother, was called. "Frank," said the supervisor, "I wish you'd go out to the airport and get an inventory of the cargo plane which was just brought in by Far East Importers." An hour later, Frank was back in the office with a list showing that the plane carried 1,000 bolts of Japanese silk, 500 transistor radios, and 1,000 hand painted bamboo trays.
George, the $1,500 a month brother, was given identical instructions. Working hours were over when he finally returned. "The transport plane carried one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," he began. "It was on sale at sixty dollars a bolt, so I took a two-day option on the whole lot. I have wired a designer in New York offering the silk at seventy-five dollars a bolt. I expect to have the order tomorrow. I also found five hundred transistor radios, which I sold over the telephone at a profit of $2.30 each. There were a thousand bamboo trays, but they were of poor quality, so I didn't try to do anything with them."
When George left the office, the employer smiled. "You probably noticed," he said, "that Jim doesn't do what he's told, Frank does only what he'd told, but George does without being told."
********* The future is full of promise for one who shows initiative. *********
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS (TEACHER & STUDENT PERSPECTIVE)
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS (TEACHER & STUDENT PERSPECTIVE)
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS (BOYS & GIRLS PERSPECTIVE)
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS (BOYS & GIRLS PERSPECTIVE)
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
What Does Hope Do For Us?
What Does Hope Do For Us?
Hope shines brightest when the hour is darkest.
Hope motivates when discouragement comes.
Hope energizes when the body is tired.
Hope sweetens while bitterness bites.
Hope sings when all melodies are gone.
Hope believes when evidence is eliminated.
Hope listens for answers when no one is talking.
Hope climbs over obstacles when no one is helping.
Hope endures hardship when no one is caring.
Hope smiles confidently when no one is laughing.
Hope reaches for answers when no one is asking.
Hope presses toward victory when no one is encouraging.
Hope dares to give when no one is sharing.
Hope brings the victory when no one is winning.
By John Maxwell from "Think on These Things"
Hope shines brightest when the hour is darkest.
Hope motivates when discouragement comes.
Hope energizes when the body is tired.
Hope sweetens while bitterness bites.
Hope sings when all melodies are gone.
Hope believes when evidence is eliminated.
Hope listens for answers when no one is talking.
Hope climbs over obstacles when no one is helping.
Hope endures hardship when no one is caring.
Hope smiles confidently when no one is laughing.
Hope reaches for answers when no one is asking.
Hope presses toward victory when no one is encouraging.
Hope dares to give when no one is sharing.
Hope brings the victory when no one is winning.
By John Maxwell from "Think on These Things"
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Gossip
Gossip
A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended.
Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
"Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road." Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me." The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand.
"You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop them, but it's impossible to get them back. So it is with gossip. It doesn't take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong."
A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended.
Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
"Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road." Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me." The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand.
"You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop them, but it's impossible to get them back. So it is with gossip. It doesn't take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong."
WHICH TYRE BURST?
WHICH TYRE BURST?
One night 4 mba students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. The dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days. They said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the dean.the dean said that this was a special condition test.all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.
Q .1. Write down your names ----- (2 marks)
Q.2. Which tyre burst ------- (98 marks).
One night 4 mba students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. The dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days. They said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the dean.the dean said that this was a special condition test.all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.
Q .1. Write down your names ----- (2 marks)
Q.2. Which tyre burst ------- (98 marks).
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Put the Glass Down
Put the Glass Down
A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see; asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'
'50gms!' .... '100gms!' ......'125gms' ......the students answered.
'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor,'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'
'Nothing' the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.
'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'
'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress; paralysis; Have to go to hospital for sure!'ventured another student; all the students laughed.
'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?' asked The professor.
'No' the students said.
'Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'
The students were puzzled.
'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.
'Exactly!' said the professor.
'Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK. Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything. It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'
Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!
A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see; asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'
'50gms!' .... '100gms!' ......'125gms' ......the students answered.
'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor,'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'
'Nothing' the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.
'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'
'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress; paralysis; Have to go to hospital for sure!'ventured another student; all the students laughed.
'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?' asked The professor.
'No' the students said.
'Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'
The students were puzzled.
'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.
'Exactly!' said the professor.
'Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK. Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything. It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'
Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!
ABC of motivation
ABC of motivation
A void negative sources, people, places, things and habits.
B elieve in yourself.
C onsider things from every angle.
D on't give up and don't give in.
E njoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.
F amily and friends are hidden treasures; enjoy their riches.
G ive more than you planned to.
H ang on to your dreams.
I gnore those who try to discourage you.
J ust do it.
K eep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.
L ove yourself first and most.
M ake it happen.
N ever lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal.
O pen your eyes and see things as they really are.
P ractice makes perfect.
Q uitters never win and winners never quit.
R ead, study and learn about everything important in your life.
S top procrastinating.
T ake control of your own destiny.
U nderstand yourself in order to better understand others.
V isualize it.
W ant it more than anything.
E X cellerate your efforts.
Y ou are unique of all God's creations, nothing can replace YOU.
Z ero in on your target and go for it!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Honesty is Still The Best Policy
HONESTY IS STILL THE BEST POLICY
Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over places, about their values of life. He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return, they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well. He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably. Everyone did what was told to him.
A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene. Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself! The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!
The general manager declared him the winner! Everyone was shocked.
It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seeds. You planted them and nothing happened! You acted smartly and used some other seeds. This man was honest to his work and, therefore he did not cheat me or himself!"
Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over places, about their values of life. He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return, they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well. He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably. Everyone did what was told to him.
A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene. Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself! The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!
The general manager declared him the winner! Everyone was shocked.
It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seeds. You planted them and nothing happened! You acted smartly and used some other seeds. This man was honest to his work and, therefore he did not cheat me or himself!"
House of 1000 Mirrors
House of 1000 Mirrors
Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors.
A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house.
He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door.
When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."
All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?
A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house.
He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door.
When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."
All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Life's Five Great Lessons
Life's Five Great Lessons
1 - Most Important Lesson - "Remember my name"
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a onscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.
Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'.
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
**********
2 - Second Important Lesson - " Pickup in the Rain"
One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm.
Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s.
The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read:
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a onscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.
Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'.
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
**********
2 - Second Important Lesson - " Pickup in the Rain"
One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm.
Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s.
The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.
**********
3. - Third Important Lesson - "Always Remember Those Who Serve."
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied."
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
**********
4 - Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacle in Our Path"
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the road clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.
After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.
The peasant learned what many of us never understand.
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
**********
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When it Counts"
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.
The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying," Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
You see, after all, understanding and attitude, are everything.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.
**********
3. - Third Important Lesson - "Always Remember Those Who Serve."
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied."
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
**********
4 - Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacle in Our Path"
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the road clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.
After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.
The peasant learned what many of us never understand.
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
**********
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When it Counts"
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.
The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying," Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
You see, after all, understanding and attitude, are everything.
Whom to blame
Whom to blame
Boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard.
His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its colour and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
QUESTIONS:
1. What were the five words?
2. What is the implication of this story?
ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behaviour. The Child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point In finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed.
She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her. If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would Be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles Begins with a single step." Take off all your envies, jealousies, Unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are Actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL OF THE STORY Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, Whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this Way we miss out some warmth in human relationship.
Boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard.
His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its colour and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
QUESTIONS:
1. What were the five words?
2. What is the implication of this story?
ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behaviour. The Child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point In finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed.
She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her. If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would Be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles Begins with a single step." Take off all your envies, jealousies, Unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are Actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL OF THE STORY Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, Whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this Way we miss out some warmth in human relationship.
Friday, December 9, 2011
The Moral of The Story Is .......
The Moral of The Story Is .......
A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.”
The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket..
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Next, Mary said, “We are farmers too. We had twenty Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks.”
“The moral of this story is not to count Your chickens before they’re hatched ..”
“Very good,” said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.
Next it was Barney’s turn to tell his story: “My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen…. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete.”
“Go on,” said the teacher, intrigued.
“Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.”
“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What did your father say was the moral of that frightening Story?”
The child said “Stay away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking…”
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.”
The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket..
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Next, Mary said, “We are farmers too. We had twenty Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks.”
“The moral of this story is not to count Your chickens before they’re hatched ..”
“Very good,” said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.
Next it was Barney’s turn to tell his story: “My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen…. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete.”
“Go on,” said the teacher, intrigued.
“Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.”
“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What did your father say was the moral of that frightening Story?”
The child said “Stay away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking…”
The Best Time of My Life
The Best Time of My Life
By Joe Kemp
It was June 15, and in two days I would be turning thirty. I was insecure about entering a new decade of my life and feared that my best years were now behind me. My daily routine included going to the gym for a workout before going to work. Every morning I would see my friend Nicholas at the gym. He was seventy-nine years old and in terrific shape. As I greeted Nicholas on this particular day, he noticed I wasn't full of my usual vitality and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him I was feeling anxious about turning thirty. I wondered how I would look back on my life once I reached Nicholas's age, so I asked him, "What was the best time of your life?
Without hesitation, Nicholas replied, "Well, Joe, this is my philosophical answer to your philosophical question:
"When I was a child in Austria and everything was taken care of for me and I was nurtured by my parents, that was the best time of my life.
"When I was going to school and learning the things I know today, that was the best time of my life.
"When I got my first job and had responsibilities and got paid for my efforts, that was the best time of my life.
"When I met my wife and fell in love, that was the best time of my life.
"The Second World War came, and my wife and I had to flee Austria to save our lives.
"When we were together and safe on a ship bound for North America, that was the best time of my life. "When we came to Canada and started a family, that was the best time of my life.
"When I was a young father, watching my children grow up, that was the best time of my life.
"And now, Joe, I am seventy-nine years old. I have my health, I feel good and I am in love with my wife just as I was when we first met. This is the best time of my life.
Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. In order to protect the rights of the copyright holder, no portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. All rights reserved.
By Joe Kemp
It was June 15, and in two days I would be turning thirty. I was insecure about entering a new decade of my life and feared that my best years were now behind me. My daily routine included going to the gym for a workout before going to work. Every morning I would see my friend Nicholas at the gym. He was seventy-nine years old and in terrific shape. As I greeted Nicholas on this particular day, he noticed I wasn't full of my usual vitality and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him I was feeling anxious about turning thirty. I wondered how I would look back on my life once I reached Nicholas's age, so I asked him, "What was the best time of your life?
Without hesitation, Nicholas replied, "Well, Joe, this is my philosophical answer to your philosophical question:
"When I was a child in Austria and everything was taken care of for me and I was nurtured by my parents, that was the best time of my life.
"When I was going to school and learning the things I know today, that was the best time of my life.
"When I got my first job and had responsibilities and got paid for my efforts, that was the best time of my life.
"When I met my wife and fell in love, that was the best time of my life.
"The Second World War came, and my wife and I had to flee Austria to save our lives.
"When we were together and safe on a ship bound for North America, that was the best time of my life. "When we came to Canada and started a family, that was the best time of my life.
"When I was a young father, watching my children grow up, that was the best time of my life.
"And now, Joe, I am seventy-nine years old. I have my health, I feel good and I am in love with my wife just as I was when we first met. This is the best time of my life.
Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. In order to protect the rights of the copyright holder, no portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. All rights reserved.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
[QUIZ] Two Tough Questions
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven. Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven. Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone
HOW COULD YOU?
HOW COULD YOU?
A man in Grand Rapids, Michigan, took out a $7000 full page ad in the paper to present the following essay to the people of his community:
When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend.
Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?"- But then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.
We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.
She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" --still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human Babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time Banished to another room, or to a dog crate.
Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of Love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their
touch--because your touch was now so infrequent --and I would've Defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of Your car in the driveway.
There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.
I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her."
They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my Dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all Life.
You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"
They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind-that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could n't compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.
I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her.
The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way
I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"
Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself--a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.
And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?"
Was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of You and wait for you forever. May everyone in your Life continue to show you so much loyalty.
A Note from the Author:
If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Anyone is welcome to distribute the essay for a noncommercial purpose, as long as it is properly attributed with the copyright notice. Please use it to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the
decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay and neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals.
Jim Willis
A man in Grand Rapids, Michigan, took out a $7000 full page ad in the paper to present the following essay to the people of his community:
When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend.
Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?"- But then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.
We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.
She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" --still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human Babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time Banished to another room, or to a dog crate.
Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of Love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their
touch--because your touch was now so infrequent --and I would've Defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of Your car in the driveway.
There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.
I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her."
They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my Dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all Life.
You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"
They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind-that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could n't compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.
I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her.
The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way
I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"
Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself--a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.
And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?"
Was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of You and wait for you forever. May everyone in your Life continue to show you so much loyalty.
A Note from the Author:
If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Anyone is welcome to distribute the essay for a noncommercial purpose, as long as it is properly attributed with the copyright notice. Please use it to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the
decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay and neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals.
Jim Willis
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
THE BEST MOMENT IN LIFE
Each of us may have some special moment in life and following some of them
THE BEST MOMENT IN LIFE
1. Falling in Love
2. Laughing till ur stomach hurts
3. Listening to ur favorite song on the radio
4. Passing ur final exams with good grades
5. Being a part of an interesting conversation
6. Finding money in some old pants
7. Laughing at yourself
8. Sharing wonderful dinner with all ur friends
9. Accidentally hearing someone say something good about you
10. Watching the sunset
11. Listening to a song that reminds u of someone important and special
12. Receiving or Giving ur first kiss (hmm…. :)
13. Having a great time with your friends
14. Seeing the one u love happy
15. Hearing someone say "I LOVE U"
"True friends come in good times when we tell them to, and they come in bad times…without calling…"
THE BEST MOMENT IN LIFE
1. Falling in Love
2. Laughing till ur stomach hurts
3. Listening to ur favorite song on the radio
4. Passing ur final exams with good grades
5. Being a part of an interesting conversation
6. Finding money in some old pants
7. Laughing at yourself
8. Sharing wonderful dinner with all ur friends
9. Accidentally hearing someone say something good about you
10. Watching the sunset
11. Listening to a song that reminds u of someone important and special
12. Receiving or Giving ur first kiss (hmm…. :)
13. Having a great time with your friends
14. Seeing the one u love happy
15. Hearing someone say "I LOVE U"
"True friends come in good times when we tell them to, and they come in bad times…without calling…"
Do you love someone this much?
Do you love someone this much?
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not. Please it's too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl : *hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
Girl: Alright, now slow down
Guy: I love you babe
Girl: I love you too, please just slow down now! Please...
(in the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building Because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only 1 had survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not. Please it's too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl : *hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
Girl: Alright, now slow down
Guy: I love you babe
Girl: I love you too, please just slow down now! Please...
(in the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building Because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only 1 had survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Grandma's Boyfriend
Grandma's Boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
:D
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
:D
Testing with "CHICKS"
This is allegedly a true story.
Engineers at a major aerospace company were instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a goose colliding with an aircraft travelling at high speed, the test engineers built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the windshields, and several articles about the project appeared in the testing industry press.
It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the world was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the windshields and drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train test engineers had read about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace team, and so they approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and the testing methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the train engineers set about building their own simulation.
The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs produced shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speed train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed chickens; in fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing was smashed to pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the test booth itself. The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed trains required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so they contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending them an extensive report of the tests and failures.
The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost the chickens...."
Engineers at a major aerospace company were instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a goose colliding with an aircraft travelling at high speed, the test engineers built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the windshields, and several articles about the project appeared in the testing industry press.
It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the world was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the windshields and drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train test engineers had read about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace team, and so they approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and the testing methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the train engineers set about building their own simulation.
The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs produced shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speed train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed chickens; in fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing was smashed to pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the test booth itself. The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed trains required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so they contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending them an extensive report of the tests and failures.
The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost the chickens...."
Monday, December 5, 2011
Indian Hell
INDIAN HELL
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?" "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen..."
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?" "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen..."
Reason why never visit a 5* Hotel
Reason why never visit a 5* Hotel
Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "Tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer: "White"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst !!
Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "Tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer: "White"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst !!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Don't Mess With A Woman
Don't Mess With A Woman
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! "This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police . . .
(It's a trapped... :) )
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! "This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police . . .
(It's a trapped... :) )
Bad News
Bad News
An Irishman named Darren went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Darren in the eye, and said, "I`ve some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can`t be cured. I`d give you two weeks to a month to live."
Darren was shocked and saddened by the news but was of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor`s office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. Darren, "Well, son. We Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don`t go so well. In this case, things aren`t so well. I have cancer, and I`ve been given a short time to live. Let`s head for the pub and have a few pints."
After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Darren old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Darren told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. Darren told his friends, "I`ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Darren their condolences, and they had a couple more beers.
After his friends left, Darren`s son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer! You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" Darren said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don`t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I`m gone."
An Irishman named Darren went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Darren in the eye, and said, "I`ve some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can`t be cured. I`d give you two weeks to a month to live."
Darren was shocked and saddened by the news but was of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor`s office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. Darren, "Well, son. We Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don`t go so well. In this case, things aren`t so well. I have cancer, and I`ve been given a short time to live. Let`s head for the pub and have a few pints."
After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Darren old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Darren told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. Darren told his friends, "I`ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Darren their condolences, and they had a couple more beers.
After his friends left, Darren`s son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer! You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" Darren said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don`t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I`m gone."
Thursday, December 1, 2011
NIGHT COURSES
NIGHT COURSES
During work, John and William were chatting:
John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week. William: oh!
John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
William: No
John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
William: No John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
The next day, once again:
John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
William: No John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.
This time, William got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who is George Hunt?"
John: No
William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this...
During work, John and William were chatting:
John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week. William: oh!
John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
William: No
John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
William: No John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
The next day, once again:
John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
William: No John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.
This time, William got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who is George Hunt?"
John: No
William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this...
Women ....oh...Women
Women ....oh...Women
Husband shopping center was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was once you opened the to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.
First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids. But I wonder what's further up?"
So up they go. Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking." "Hmmmm", say the girls, "But I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow!" say the women,"Very tempting, but there's further up!" And so again they go up.
Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me. But what must be awaiting us further on?"
So, up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for your shopping and have a nice day!!!!"
Husband shopping center was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was once you opened the to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.
First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids. But I wonder what's further up?"
So up they go. Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking." "Hmmmm", say the girls, "But I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow!" say the women,"Very tempting, but there's further up!" And so again they go up.
Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me. But what must be awaiting us further on?"
So, up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for your shopping and have a nice day!!!!"
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