Love Poets (Old vs New version)

"The Old Version"

If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was.

"The New Versions"

Pessimist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

Optimist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back soon,
Forget her.

Patient:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back soon,
Continue to wait until she does come back.

Playful:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
*If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat*

Vengeful:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back,
Hunt her down and shoot her.

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she = NULL)
m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Because all living creatures deserve to be free!

Lawyers:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the
 Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that ...

Bill Gates:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for reinstallation fees
but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
She'll evolve.