This article has been published in My Paper, 9 November 2012
Seven Ways to Stump Hackers
by Nicole Perlroth - The New York Times
It's absurdly easy for one's computer to get hacked. All it takes is clicking on one malicious link or attachment. Hackers regularly exploit tools like John the Ripper, a free password-cracking program that uses list of commonly used passwords from breached sites anda can test millions of passwords per second.
Chances are, most people will get their computer hacked at some point. The best you can do is to delay this by avoiding suspicious links, even from friends, and manage passwords better.
But how you do possibly come up with different, hard-to-crack passwords for all your news, social-networks, e-commerce, banking, corporate and email account, and remember them all?
Here are tips from network-security experts Jeremiah Grossman and Paul Kocher on keeping your information safe.
Come up with A Pass-Phrase
A password should ideally be 14 characters or more in length if you want to make it crackable in less than 24 hours. As longer passwords tend to be harder to remember, consider a pass-phrase, like a movie quote and string together the first one or two letters of each word.
Ignore Security Questions
There is a limited set of answers to questions like, "What is your favorite color?" and most answers to questions like "What middle school did you attend?" can be found on the Internet. A better approach would be to enter a password hint that has nothing to do with the question. For example, if the security asks for the name of the hospital you were born in, your answer might be: "Your favourite song lyric".
Store Passwords Securely
Mr Grossman stores his password file on an encrypted USB drive for which he has a long, complex password that he has memorised. He copies and pastes those passwords when logging into accounts so that, in the event an attacker install keystroke logging software in his computer, he can not record the keystrokes to his password.
A Password Manager?
Some password-protection software will create strong passwords for you and automatically help you log onto sites, as long as you provide one master password. But Mr. Kochers said he does not use such software because even with encryption, it still lived on the computer itself. "If someone steals my computer, I've lost my passwords", he said.
Use Different Browsers
Mr Grosman makes a point of using different web browsers for different activities. "Pick one browser for 'promiscuous' browsing - online forums, news sites, blogs - anything you don't consider important," he said. "When you're on online banking or checking email, fire up a secondary web browser, then shut it down".
That way, if your browser catches an infection when you stumble into a malicious site, your bank account will not necessarily be compromised. As for which browser for which activities, a study last year by Accuvant Labs found Chrome to be least susceptible to attacks, among browsers including Mozilla Firefox and Microsoft Internet Explorer.
Share Cautiously
Whenever possible, Mr Kocher will not register for online accounts using his real email addres. Instead he will use "throw-away" email addresses, like those offered by 10minutemail.com. Users register and confirm an online account via such an e-mail address, which self-destruct 10 minutes later.
Just Jam on Your Keyboard
For sensitive accounts, Mr Grossman said that instead of a pass-phrase, he will randomly jam on his keyboard, intermittenly hitting the "Shift" and "Alt" keys, and copy the result into a text file which he stores on an encrypted, password-protected USB drive.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
Johnny & Jenny
Johnny & Jenny
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny,you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine" By this time Mr Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this.
So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr.Smith says, "Well Johnny,it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Mr. Smith faints.............
HEH?!??
Do Not Even Think about it, Kiddo
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny,you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine" By this time Mr Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this.
So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr.Smith says, "Well Johnny,it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Mr. Smith faints.............
HEH?!??
Do Not Even Think about it, Kiddo
An Intelligent Woman
An Intelligent Woman
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
what a smart answer ... :))
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
what a smart answer ... :))
Time Gets Better with Age
TIME GETS BETTER WITH AGE
I learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7
I learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9
I learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. Age 12
I learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 14
I learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15
I learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24
I learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 26
I learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29
I learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 30
I learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 42
I learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little note. Now days an e-mail. Age 44
I learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others. Age 46
I learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47
I learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. Age 48
I learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50
I learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52
I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53
I learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58
I learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage. Age 61
I learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62
I learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64
I learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65
I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66
I learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72
I learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 82
I learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 90
I learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92
I learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.
I learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7
I learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9
I learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. Age 12
I learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 14
I learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15
I learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24
I learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 26
I learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29
I learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 30
I learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 42
I learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little note. Now days an e-mail. Age 44
I learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others. Age 46
I learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47
I learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. Age 48
I learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50
I learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52
I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53
I learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58
I learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage. Age 61
I learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62
I learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64
I learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65
I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66
I learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72
I learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 82
I learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 90
I learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92
I learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Hospital Window
Hospital Window
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
The Axe Story
The Axe Story
Once upon a time a very strong woodcutter asked for a job with a timber merchant, and he got it. The salary was really good and so were the work conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best. His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work.
The first day, the woodcutter brought 18 trees "Congratulations," the boss said. "Go on that way!" Very motivated by the boss' words, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but could bring 15 trees only. The third day he tried even harder, but could bring 10 trees only.
Day after day he was bringing less and less trees. "I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought. He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on. "When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" the boss asked. "Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees..."
Moral of the story: Working hard is not enough; one has to keep on sharpening one's skills.
Once upon a time a very strong woodcutter asked for a job with a timber merchant, and he got it. The salary was really good and so were the work conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best. His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work.
The first day, the woodcutter brought 18 trees "Congratulations," the boss said. "Go on that way!" Very motivated by the boss' words, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but could bring 15 trees only. The third day he tried even harder, but could bring 10 trees only.
Day after day he was bringing less and less trees. "I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought. He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on. "When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" the boss asked. "Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees..."
Moral of the story: Working hard is not enough; one has to keep on sharpening one's skills.
Winner Frog
Winner Frog
Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.
The race began....
Honestly: No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You heard statements such as:
"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"
"They will NEVER make it to the top."
"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"
The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one.... Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher. The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!" More tiny frogs got tired and gave up. But ONE continued higher and higher and higher.... This one wouldn't give up!
At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top! THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?
A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal? It turned out.... That the winner was DEAF!!!!
The wisdom of this story is:
Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!
Always think of the power words have. Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions! Therefore: ALWAYS be POSITIVE!
And above all: Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!
Always think: God and I can do this!
Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.
The race began....
Honestly: No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You heard statements such as:
"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"
"They will NEVER make it to the top."
"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"
The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one.... Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher. The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!" More tiny frogs got tired and gave up. But ONE continued higher and higher and higher.... This one wouldn't give up!
At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top! THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?
A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal? It turned out.... That the winner was DEAF!!!!
The wisdom of this story is:
Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!
Always think of the power words have. Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions! Therefore: ALWAYS be POSITIVE!
And above all: Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!
Always think: God and I can do this!
JFK Quote
Former US president, John F Kennedy (JFK), once said:
"The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’
One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity.
In a crisis, be aware of the danger — but recognize the opportunity."
"The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’
One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity.
In a crisis, be aware of the danger — but recognize the opportunity."
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
A Smart Driver
A Smart Driver
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.
"Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you, that the lying bas***d told you, I was speeding, too!"
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.
"Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you, that the lying bas***d told you, I was speeding, too!"
Management Lesson #5
Management Lesson #5
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here" Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story:
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here" Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story:
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!
We are Zulus
The Zulus!
An airplane is flying over the United States at night. The pilot says: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown out."
A little later, the pilot says "We're still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin".
The plane continues its descent despite more things being thrown out. Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some people". There's a big gasp from the passengers!
Pilot: "But to make this fair, passenger will be thrown out in alphabetical order. So... A... any Africans on board?"
No one moves.
"B... any Blacks on board?"
No one moves.
"C... any Caribbeans on board?" Still, no one moves.
A little black boy - asks his dad: "Dad,...what are we?
The father very concerned about the son and his life replies, " Tonight son, we are Zulus!"
An airplane is flying over the United States at night. The pilot says: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown out."
A little later, the pilot says "We're still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin".
The plane continues its descent despite more things being thrown out. Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some people". There's a big gasp from the passengers!
Pilot: "But to make this fair, passenger will be thrown out in alphabetical order. So... A... any Africans on board?"
No one moves.
"B... any Blacks on board?"
No one moves.
"C... any Caribbeans on board?" Still, no one moves.
A little black boy - asks his dad: "Dad,...what are we?
The father very concerned about the son and his life replies, " Tonight son, we are Zulus!"
The Man and his Finger
THE MAN AND HIS FINGER
A man once went to see a doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body.
"Doctor my whole body hurts me," he moaned. The doctor asked him to show exactly where the pain was.
The man explained, "When I touch my shoulder, it hurts. When I touch my back it hurts. When I touch my legs, they hurt."
The doctor did a thorough examination and told the man, "Sir, there is nothing wrong with your body. Your finger is broken. That is why it hurts wherever you touch. Get your finger plastered, rest it for a couple of weeks and all of your pains will disappear."!!
SPIRITUAL COMMENTARY
In life so frequently it is our own perspective that causes us pain or pleasure. As we go through life "feeling" the world with our fingers, if our finger is broken naturally we will experience pain everywhere. But, we make the mistake of blaming the external world for our ailments: "My job is over-taxing, my husband is too demanding, my wife nags, my children are disobedient, my in-laws don't understand me, etc. etc." But if you look throughout the world you will be able to find someone who has the same type of job, but is calm, or someone who has the same type of spouse but is happy, or someone who has the same type of children but is patient, or someone who has the same type of in-laws but is grateful.
What is it that allows 2 people to experience the same external situation but respond in 2 different ways?
Our own perspective.Our own perception.The key, then, is not to try to change every situation in our life, but rather to change the glasses through which we see the world. Sure, if we have a fixable situation at the office or at home, we should definitely do our best to improve it. But, what we have observed is that if someone has the nature to be dissatisfied, or the nature to be stressed, or the nature to be pained, that person's nature is not going to change simply by changing the external situation.
A massage for the back or shoulder or legs would not help the man in our earlier example because it is his finger which is broken. He could spend hundreds of dollars to ease the pain in his body, but unless he puts his broken finger in a splint, he will continue to experience pain every time that finger touches the various parts of his body. Similarly, we run around through life trying to "fix" our jobs or marriages or family life, but frequently the reality is in our own perspective. If we spend the same amount of energy "fixing" our perspective as we spend trying to "fix" our spouse or children,everything would be fine.
This is not to say that pains and troubles don't really exist in our day to day life. Of course they do.The man in our example may also have a stiff back or sore shoulders. But the excruciating pain he experienced was due not to the minor aches and pains in his body, but due to the severely broken finger with which he was touching them. Similarly, our jobs and our families are taxing. They demand a lot of us. But the unbearable pain many of us experience is due not to the demands and commands from without, but due to the demands and commands from within ourselves.
In the Gita it is said that we are our best friend and also our own worst enemy, depending upon how we live our lives. Let us all take some time to examine what our own personal "broken finger" is. What is it within ourselves that causes us to experience pain in the world? What irrational fear, what unfulfillable desire, what selfish motive, what ego-driven need has broken the finger with which we feel the world or has colored the glasses with which we see? We spend so much time examining others, but very little time examining our own selves. The Source of all joy and peace lies within us. We are blocked from that source by a host of desires, fears and ignorance. The key to finding and tapping into that source must come from within. Let us find the key within ourselves and unleash the Ocean of Divine Bliss in our lives!
A man once went to see a doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body.
"Doctor my whole body hurts me," he moaned. The doctor asked him to show exactly where the pain was.
The man explained, "When I touch my shoulder, it hurts. When I touch my back it hurts. When I touch my legs, they hurt."
The doctor did a thorough examination and told the man, "Sir, there is nothing wrong with your body. Your finger is broken. That is why it hurts wherever you touch. Get your finger plastered, rest it for a couple of weeks and all of your pains will disappear."!!
SPIRITUAL COMMENTARY
In life so frequently it is our own perspective that causes us pain or pleasure. As we go through life "feeling" the world with our fingers, if our finger is broken naturally we will experience pain everywhere. But, we make the mistake of blaming the external world for our ailments: "My job is over-taxing, my husband is too demanding, my wife nags, my children are disobedient, my in-laws don't understand me, etc. etc." But if you look throughout the world you will be able to find someone who has the same type of job, but is calm, or someone who has the same type of spouse but is happy, or someone who has the same type of children but is patient, or someone who has the same type of in-laws but is grateful.
What is it that allows 2 people to experience the same external situation but respond in 2 different ways?
Our own perspective.Our own perception.The key, then, is not to try to change every situation in our life, but rather to change the glasses through which we see the world. Sure, if we have a fixable situation at the office or at home, we should definitely do our best to improve it. But, what we have observed is that if someone has the nature to be dissatisfied, or the nature to be stressed, or the nature to be pained, that person's nature is not going to change simply by changing the external situation.
A massage for the back or shoulder or legs would not help the man in our earlier example because it is his finger which is broken. He could spend hundreds of dollars to ease the pain in his body, but unless he puts his broken finger in a splint, he will continue to experience pain every time that finger touches the various parts of his body. Similarly, we run around through life trying to "fix" our jobs or marriages or family life, but frequently the reality is in our own perspective. If we spend the same amount of energy "fixing" our perspective as we spend trying to "fix" our spouse or children,everything would be fine.
This is not to say that pains and troubles don't really exist in our day to day life. Of course they do.The man in our example may also have a stiff back or sore shoulders. But the excruciating pain he experienced was due not to the minor aches and pains in his body, but due to the severely broken finger with which he was touching them. Similarly, our jobs and our families are taxing. They demand a lot of us. But the unbearable pain many of us experience is due not to the demands and commands from without, but due to the demands and commands from within ourselves.
In the Gita it is said that we are our best friend and also our own worst enemy, depending upon how we live our lives. Let us all take some time to examine what our own personal "broken finger" is. What is it within ourselves that causes us to experience pain in the world? What irrational fear, what unfulfillable desire, what selfish motive, what ego-driven need has broken the finger with which we feel the world or has colored the glasses with which we see? We spend so much time examining others, but very little time examining our own selves. The Source of all joy and peace lies within us. We are blocked from that source by a host of desires, fears and ignorance. The key to finding and tapping into that source must come from within. Let us find the key within ourselves and unleash the Ocean of Divine Bliss in our lives!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Person and Mistakes
Person and Mistakes
Teacher: What do you call a person who apologizes if he has committed a mistake ?
Girl: An honest man.
Teacher: Good. And what do you call a person who apologizes even if he has committed no mistake ?
Girl: A Boyfriend.
Teacher: What do you call a person who apologizes if he has committed a mistake ?
Girl: An honest man.
Teacher: Good. And what do you call a person who apologizes even if he has committed no mistake ?
Girl: A Boyfriend.
source: jokebuddha.com
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Optimist Creed
Optimist Creed
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
by Christian D. Larson in 1912, adopted by Optimist International in 1922
Men Need To Be More Specific
Men Need To Be More Specific
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony,just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony,just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
Thought of the Day
Thought of the Day
Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with USD 86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day; allows you to keep no cash balance; every night deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do with such an account Draw out every penny, of course!!!
Every one of us has such a 'bank'. Its name is TIME. Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off as lost whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.
Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the records of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against tomorrow. You must live in the present -on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success! The clock is running.
Make the most of today!!!
Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with USD 86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day; allows you to keep no cash balance; every night deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do with such an account Draw out every penny, of course!!!
Every one of us has such a 'bank'. Its name is TIME. Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off as lost whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.
Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the records of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against tomorrow. You must live in the present -on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success! The clock is running.
Make the most of today!!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
A Wish
A Wish
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"
After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge??"
*note: please read with high level of sarcasm.
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"
After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge??"
*note: please read with high level of sarcasm.
First Male Blonde Joke
First Male Blonde Joke
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke ..... And well worth the wait!
An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna, and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke ..... And well worth the wait!
An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna, and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
Morning Thought
Morning Thought
Start your day with good thought.
If you want something you never had, do something you have never done.
Don't go the way life takes you.
Take life the way you want to go.
And remember you are born to live and
Not living because you are born.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
A Bigger Frying Pan
A Bigger Frying Pan
Two men went fishing. One man was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn't. Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back. The experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing this man waste good fish.
"Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?" he asked.
The inexperienced fisherman replied, "I only have a small frying pan."
Sometimes, like that fisherman, we throw back the big plans, big dreams, big jobs, and big opportunities that God gives us. Our faith is too small. We laugh at that fisherman who didn't figure out that all he needed was a bigger frying pan; yet how ready are we to increase the size of our faith? Whether it's a problem or a possibility, God will never give you anything bigger than you can handle. That means we can confidently walk into anything God brings our way.
Two men went fishing. One man was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn't. Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back. The experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing this man waste good fish.
"Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?" he asked.
The inexperienced fisherman replied, "I only have a small frying pan."
Sometimes, like that fisherman, we throw back the big plans, big dreams, big jobs, and big opportunities that God gives us. Our faith is too small. We laugh at that fisherman who didn't figure out that all he needed was a bigger frying pan; yet how ready are we to increase the size of our faith? Whether it's a problem or a possibility, God will never give you anything bigger than you can handle. That means we can confidently walk into anything God brings our way.
Struggle a little- then fly
Struggle a little- then fly
Once a biology class was going on.
The teacher was teaching the class on how a butterfly comes out of its cocoon. He brought a live cocoon to demonstrate a butterfly coming out. Unfortunately he was called out on an urgent task before the butterfly could come out. But before he went he warned the class that on no condition should anyone help the butterfly to come out. He went out and after some time the cocoon opened and the butterfly started to come out. One boy taking pity on the butterfly's struggle helped it to come out.
The sir returned and saw the butterfly and then asked the class. Who helped the butterfly. The boy raised his hand and confessed. The sir said, "You did grave error in helping the butterfly. In helping it, you deprived the butterfly of it life's goal. The initial struggle out of the cocoon should help the butterfly strengthen its wings. Now it will never fly.
We are also in some ways like this butterfly...
Now read on ....
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been and we could never fly. So next time you are faced with an obstacle, a challenge, or a problem, Struggle a little- then fly.
Once a biology class was going on.
The teacher was teaching the class on how a butterfly comes out of its cocoon. He brought a live cocoon to demonstrate a butterfly coming out. Unfortunately he was called out on an urgent task before the butterfly could come out. But before he went he warned the class that on no condition should anyone help the butterfly to come out. He went out and after some time the cocoon opened and the butterfly started to come out. One boy taking pity on the butterfly's struggle helped it to come out.
The sir returned and saw the butterfly and then asked the class. Who helped the butterfly. The boy raised his hand and confessed. The sir said, "You did grave error in helping the butterfly. In helping it, you deprived the butterfly of it life's goal. The initial struggle out of the cocoon should help the butterfly strengthen its wings. Now it will never fly.
We are also in some ways like this butterfly...
Now read on ....
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been and we could never fly. So next time you are faced with an obstacle, a challenge, or a problem, Struggle a little- then fly.
A Knitting Blonde Driver
A Knitting Blonde Driver
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs.
"No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
Pullover = sweater
Scarf = syal/selendang
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs.
"No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
Pullover = sweater
Scarf = syal/selendang
Friday, August 3, 2012
The Lighthouse
Funny stories though I doubt this is real story (ed.).
The Lighthouse
The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, off the Scottish North coast. The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.
BRITISH : Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid collision.
US Navy : Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
BRITISH : Negative.You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Navy : This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITISH : Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
US NAVY : THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THATS 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. Your move.
:)
The Lighthouse
The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, off the Scottish North coast. The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.
BRITISH : Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid collision.
US Navy : Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
BRITISH : Negative.You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Navy : This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITISH : Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
US NAVY : THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THATS 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. Your move.
:)
The Dreams
The Dreams
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that that lit up her entire being.
She said, "Hi, handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.
"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel."
"No seriously," I asked.
I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and share a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began: "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only few secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. "You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dean and don't even know it!"
"There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change." "Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing The Rose. She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the years end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Remember : GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY, GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that that lit up her entire being.
She said, "Hi, handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.
"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel."
"No seriously," I asked.
I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and share a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began: "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only few secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. "You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dean and don't even know it!"
"There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change." "Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing The Rose. She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the years end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Remember : GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY, GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
The English
The English
An Indian moved to England. His English neighbour decided to call on him to introduce himself and wish the newcomer welcome. The Englishman was surprised to see the man from India in his nice backyard busily absorbed in chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," the Englishman thought to himself. Deciding not to intrude, he could put off the welcome till a later date and went home.
The next evening, he decided he should go again to welcome the Indian. This time, from the street, he saw through the window that the Indian was urinating into a cup and drinking it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself, deciding again to delay the welcome by another day.
The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Indian. From the gate, he saw the Indian concentrating with his ear pressed hard against a cow's butt. Starting to be annoyed at this behavior in the neighborhood, he went up to the Indian. "I'm sorry to disturb you sir. I am your neighbour. I wanted to wish you welcome,but from what I have seen you doing for the last three days, I am not so sure any more - because we don't want such goings on in our neighbourhood", said the Englishman unable to hold his voice from rising.
'Neither I, nor the other people living in the neighbourhood will stand for your crazy Indian customs!", he almost yelled to the Indian's face. The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually English customs. I was told, to be English, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit."
Note:
Chase Chicks : Going after woman / Trying to find girlfriends.
Get Piss Drunk : The point of drunk where you don't realize that you're drunk, but you manage to piss yourself on someone's porch or something.
Listen to bullshit : listen to nonsense
An Indian moved to England. His English neighbour decided to call on him to introduce himself and wish the newcomer welcome. The Englishman was surprised to see the man from India in his nice backyard busily absorbed in chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," the Englishman thought to himself. Deciding not to intrude, he could put off the welcome till a later date and went home.
The next evening, he decided he should go again to welcome the Indian. This time, from the street, he saw through the window that the Indian was urinating into a cup and drinking it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself, deciding again to delay the welcome by another day.
The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Indian. From the gate, he saw the Indian concentrating with his ear pressed hard against a cow's butt. Starting to be annoyed at this behavior in the neighborhood, he went up to the Indian. "I'm sorry to disturb you sir. I am your neighbour. I wanted to wish you welcome,but from what I have seen you doing for the last three days, I am not so sure any more - because we don't want such goings on in our neighbourhood", said the Englishman unable to hold his voice from rising.
'Neither I, nor the other people living in the neighbourhood will stand for your crazy Indian customs!", he almost yelled to the Indian's face. The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually English customs. I was told, to be English, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit."
Note:
Chase Chicks : Going after woman / Trying to find girlfriends.
Get Piss Drunk : The point of drunk where you don't realize that you're drunk, but you manage to piss yourself on someone's porch or something.
Listen to bullshit : listen to nonsense
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Confidence level
Confidence level
Story told by a man which is most frightening yet thought-provoking experiences of his life.
He had been on a long flight. The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on: "Fasten your seat belts."
Then, after a while, a calm voice said, "We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened."
As he looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive. Later, the voice of the announcer said, "We are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time. The turbulence is still ahead of us."
And then the storm broke. The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines. Lightening lit up the darkening skies and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean. One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as if it were about to crash.
The man confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him. He said, "As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying.
The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm. And then, I suddenly saw a girl to whom the storm meant nothing. She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat and was reading a book.
Everything within her small world was calm and orderly. Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world. When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm, when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvelous child was completely composed and unafraid."
The man could hardly believe his eyes. It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, he lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time.
Having commented about the storm and behavior of the plane, he asked why she had not been afraid. The sweet child replied, "Sir, my Dad is the pilot and he is taking me home."
When you are sure of your self, your confident level is steady and you are never shaky you do the things calmly and successfully
Story told by a man which is most frightening yet thought-provoking experiences of his life.
He had been on a long flight. The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on: "Fasten your seat belts."
Then, after a while, a calm voice said, "We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened."
As he looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive. Later, the voice of the announcer said, "We are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time. The turbulence is still ahead of us."
And then the storm broke. The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines. Lightening lit up the darkening skies and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean. One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as if it were about to crash.
The man confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him. He said, "As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying.
The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm. And then, I suddenly saw a girl to whom the storm meant nothing. She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat and was reading a book.
Everything within her small world was calm and orderly. Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world. When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm, when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvelous child was completely composed and unafraid."
The man could hardly believe his eyes. It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, he lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time.
Having commented about the storm and behavior of the plane, he asked why she had not been afraid. The sweet child replied, "Sir, my Dad is the pilot and he is taking me home."
When you are sure of your self, your confident level is steady and you are never shaky you do the things calmly and successfully
Nice Story (enlightenment)
Nice Story (enlightenment)
A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.
Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting.
But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband! d great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-! law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs.
She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.
Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."
Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.
Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy.
She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper!r, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."
HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return." God might be trying to work in another person's life through you. Send this to your friends and spread the POWER OF LOVE.
A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.
Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting.
But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband! d great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-! law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs.
She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.
Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."
Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.
Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy.
She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper!r, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."
HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return." God might be trying to work in another person's life through you. Send this to your friends and spread the POWER OF LOVE.
The Witness
The Witness
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that question."
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that question."
Friday, July 20, 2012
A Boy and A Tree
A Boy and A Tree
There was one time a very young boy, who used to spend time playing by a tree. One day he got bored and he said to the tree, "I'm bored, I've played with these toys too many times!" The tree replied, "OK, you can climb up on me and play on my branches." The boy got really happy with this suggestion and he had a lot of fun playing and sitting high up, on the branches of the tree. When he started school, he spent more time away from the tree, but one day he came back to it, and the tree was overjoyed to see its young companion, and it encouraged him to climb on, but he refused. "My clothes are going to get dirty if I climb up on you." So the tree thought for a while, and said, "OK, bring a rope and tie it to me, and you can use my branches as a swing." The boy liked that idea, so he did that too, and would come back every other day to sit for a while on that swing. Whenever he used to get hot, the tree told him to rest in its shade.
As he got older, and moved on to college, times became harder on him and he ran short of food, so he went back to the tree which he had stopped visiting for a long time. The tree recognised him immediately and welcomed him, but he was hungry and complained to the tree, "I dont have any food to eat, my stomach is cringing with hunger." So the tree said, "Pull down my branches and take off the fruit, and fill yourself up." The young guy didnt even hesitate, but jumped up and tore off one of the smaller branches and ate to his fill. Over the weeks, he tore off all the branches and ate all the fruit. After the fruits had all gone, he went away and didnt come back to the tree.
When he reached his middle ages, he came back to the tree and said to it, "I have been very successful in life. I have earned a lot of money, I have a huge house and I have found a great wife. Now I want to travel and see the world." The tree was now very old, but to help its long time companion, it didnt wait, and said, "Bring a saw, cut off my trunk and make a boat. Then you will see the wonders of the world."
So again, without hesitation the man cut down the tree. The same tree which he had played on, ate its fruit, laid in its shade; he cut it down and made a boat. As soon as it was finished, he sailed away and wasnt seen by his people again. One day, an old man, walked past the tree. It hadnt recovered from the time he had cut it down. He went up to the tree, but didnt say anything. He felt the tears coming down from his eyes. This time the tree spoke in a faint voice, "I'm sorry. I dont have a trunk for you to climb, nor fruit for you to eat, nor branches of shade for you to lie in. All I have now are my deep roots." The old man whispered, "That's fine. Tree roots are the best place to lie down, snuggle up and sleep after a long life."
The tree symbolizes our parents, and the boy symbolizes us. The moral of the story is that we make use of our parents like tissue, and use them all up, and dont even give thanks, but they stay with us till the very end.
There was one time a very young boy, who used to spend time playing by a tree. One day he got bored and he said to the tree, "I'm bored, I've played with these toys too many times!" The tree replied, "OK, you can climb up on me and play on my branches." The boy got really happy with this suggestion and he had a lot of fun playing and sitting high up, on the branches of the tree. When he started school, he spent more time away from the tree, but one day he came back to it, and the tree was overjoyed to see its young companion, and it encouraged him to climb on, but he refused. "My clothes are going to get dirty if I climb up on you." So the tree thought for a while, and said, "OK, bring a rope and tie it to me, and you can use my branches as a swing." The boy liked that idea, so he did that too, and would come back every other day to sit for a while on that swing. Whenever he used to get hot, the tree told him to rest in its shade.
As he got older, and moved on to college, times became harder on him and he ran short of food, so he went back to the tree which he had stopped visiting for a long time. The tree recognised him immediately and welcomed him, but he was hungry and complained to the tree, "I dont have any food to eat, my stomach is cringing with hunger." So the tree said, "Pull down my branches and take off the fruit, and fill yourself up." The young guy didnt even hesitate, but jumped up and tore off one of the smaller branches and ate to his fill. Over the weeks, he tore off all the branches and ate all the fruit. After the fruits had all gone, he went away and didnt come back to the tree.
When he reached his middle ages, he came back to the tree and said to it, "I have been very successful in life. I have earned a lot of money, I have a huge house and I have found a great wife. Now I want to travel and see the world." The tree was now very old, but to help its long time companion, it didnt wait, and said, "Bring a saw, cut off my trunk and make a boat. Then you will see the wonders of the world."
So again, without hesitation the man cut down the tree. The same tree which he had played on, ate its fruit, laid in its shade; he cut it down and made a boat. As soon as it was finished, he sailed away and wasnt seen by his people again. One day, an old man, walked past the tree. It hadnt recovered from the time he had cut it down. He went up to the tree, but didnt say anything. He felt the tears coming down from his eyes. This time the tree spoke in a faint voice, "I'm sorry. I dont have a trunk for you to climb, nor fruit for you to eat, nor branches of shade for you to lie in. All I have now are my deep roots." The old man whispered, "That's fine. Tree roots are the best place to lie down, snuggle up and sleep after a long life."
The tree symbolizes our parents, and the boy symbolizes us. The moral of the story is that we make use of our parents like tissue, and use them all up, and dont even give thanks, but they stay with us till the very end.
You Are Wonderful
You Are Wonderful
The following story captured our heart. It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales were booming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold.
The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight. However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment. The crowd groaned in disappointment and failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.
The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished, there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, Daddy, I think you are wonderful! The crowd broke into thunderous applause.
We all need people in our Lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, I think you are wonderful. And at times others are expecting this from you. Are you telling them how wonderful you are?
The following story captured our heart. It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales were booming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold.
The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight. However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment. The crowd groaned in disappointment and failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.
The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished, there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, Daddy, I think you are wonderful! The crowd broke into thunderous applause.
We all need people in our Lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, I think you are wonderful. And at times others are expecting this from you. Are you telling them how wonderful you are?
Tongue Twister
[try this ....]
If you understand, say "understand" . If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"
Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors? "When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
If you understand, say "understand" . If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"
Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors? "When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Hearing Problem
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response so, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"
Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response so, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"
Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!
Friday, July 13, 2012
The Verbing of America
The verbing of America
Is getting out of hand, Yet many nouns are also verbs, Like toast and rake and land.
When I first heard hospitalize, I thought it was a crime; Why don't we apartmentalize?
We will -- just give us time! If when we change a noun to verb
To come up with our `verbing,' Why can't I, when I'm using herbs, Refer to it as herbing?
For if I call myself a cook , The verbal form is cooking;
And if I give someone a look, It's also known as looking.
I give a gift But I'm not gifting.
You get my drift, Or am I drifting?
I get a bill Because of billing, but taking pills Is never pilling. I place a pin, And I am pinning.
Play a violin -- Is it violining? But play a fiddle, And you're fiddling; Or is this getting Much too piddling? Planting some seeds is always seeding, and pulling weeds Is surely weeding;
If drawing blood is always bleeding, Why does a flood not lead to fleeding?
I'm wined and dined but never beered. I've eyed someone, but never eared!
Turn on a light, and I am lighting. Turn on a lamp, and it's not lamping.
If I can verbalize a needle, and egging on aan mean to wheedle, and I am doodling aith a doodle, When I cook pasta, Can't I noodle?
With all these punctuation marks, I'm doing quite a lot of dotting; But if I were to use a dash -- Don't you agree that I am dashing? But comma-ing and period-ing?
And yet I can italicize and sometimes must capitalize. I Anglicize -- but Germanicize? Or Swedicize, or Gaelicize?
With this I could go on and on, Really ad infinitum; Whether I lick these word problems, I sure cannot beat 'em. Our language is an enigma In how its words are used; And that is why, in verbing nouns, We ought to be excused.
Is getting out of hand, Yet many nouns are also verbs, Like toast and rake and land.
When I first heard hospitalize, I thought it was a crime; Why don't we apartmentalize?
We will -- just give us time! If when we change a noun to verb
To come up with our `verbing,' Why can't I, when I'm using herbs, Refer to it as herbing?
For if I call myself a cook , The verbal form is cooking;
And if I give someone a look, It's also known as looking.
I give a gift But I'm not gifting.
You get my drift, Or am I drifting?
I get a bill Because of billing, but taking pills Is never pilling. I place a pin, And I am pinning.
Play a violin -- Is it violining? But play a fiddle, And you're fiddling; Or is this getting Much too piddling? Planting some seeds is always seeding, and pulling weeds Is surely weeding;
If drawing blood is always bleeding, Why does a flood not lead to fleeding?
I'm wined and dined but never beered. I've eyed someone, but never eared!
Turn on a light, and I am lighting. Turn on a lamp, and it's not lamping.
If I can verbalize a needle, and egging on aan mean to wheedle, and I am doodling aith a doodle, When I cook pasta, Can't I noodle?
With all these punctuation marks, I'm doing quite a lot of dotting; But if I were to use a dash -- Don't you agree that I am dashing? But comma-ing and period-ing?
And yet I can italicize and sometimes must capitalize. I Anglicize -- but Germanicize? Or Swedicize, or Gaelicize?
With this I could go on and on, Really ad infinitum; Whether I lick these word problems, I sure cannot beat 'em. Our language is an enigma In how its words are used; And that is why, in verbing nouns, We ought to be excused.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Do you know ....
Do you know ....
This is awesome - I bet you didn't know this...
Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99
(Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)
Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)
Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)
And
Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English Counting
This is awesome - I bet you didn't know this...
Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99
(Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)
Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)
Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)
And
Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English Counting
Fun At Party
Fun At Party A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.
The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you."
The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.
The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you."
The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"
Lessons of life
Lessons of life
I feared being alone until I learned to like myself.
I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don't try.
I feared success until I realized that I had to try In order to be happy with myself.
I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.
I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain until I learned that it's necessary for growth.
I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life until I experienced Its beauty .
I feared death until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny until I realized that I had the power to change my life.
I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than Ignorance.
I feared love until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.
I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.
I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.
I feared change, until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphose is before it could fly.
I feared being alone until I learned to like myself.
I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don't try.
I feared success until I realized that I had to try In order to be happy with myself.
I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.
I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain until I learned that it's necessary for growth.
I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life until I experienced Its beauty .
I feared death until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny until I realized that I had the power to change my life.
I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than Ignorance.
I feared love until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.
I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.
I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.
I feared change, until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphose is before it could fly.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Speeding
Speeding
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Um, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Um, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"
MORNING COFFEE
MORNING COFFEE
Live today, and live it fully.
Start out by reminding yourself how truly precious life is, and move forward with that in mind.
See the beauty and take time to enjoy it.
See the possibilities and make the effort to bring them into reality.
You can do things today that will forever change life for the better.
Focus on your own special way to create value, and make it happen.
Pay attention to those things that truly matter.
Give your love, your energy and your time to them, and your blessings will grow even more abundant.
No matter what the outside circumstances may be, let joy flow from inside you.
And watch as it changes the world around you.
This is a day to be filled with beauty, with loving effort, with the wonder, joy and positive energy of being alive. Live this day fully while it is here, and its joys will be with you always.
Ralph Marston
Live today, and live it fully.
Start out by reminding yourself how truly precious life is, and move forward with that in mind.
See the beauty and take time to enjoy it.
See the possibilities and make the effort to bring them into reality.
You can do things today that will forever change life for the better.
Focus on your own special way to create value, and make it happen.
Pay attention to those things that truly matter.
Give your love, your energy and your time to them, and your blessings will grow even more abundant.
No matter what the outside circumstances may be, let joy flow from inside you.
And watch as it changes the world around you.
This is a day to be filled with beauty, with loving effort, with the wonder, joy and positive energy of being alive. Live this day fully while it is here, and its joys will be with you always.
Ralph Marston
Wandering Dog
Wandering Dog
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Don't use mobile inside Toilet
Don't use mobile inside Toilet
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying : "Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom But i don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just fine!"
And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so i say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!"
At this point I'm just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear I hear another question. "Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No....... I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear guy say nervously... .
Listen. I'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my
questions! "
hehehehe... :D
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying : "Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom But i don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just fine!"
And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so i say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!"
At this point I'm just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear I hear another question. "Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No....... I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear guy say nervously... .
Listen. I'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my
questions! "
hehehehe... :D
Manager Advice
Manager Advice
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."
Three months down the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all.
He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes" .
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."
Three months down the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all.
He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes" .
Teaching A Lesson
Teaching A Lesson
A wife was in the kitchen making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly , her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.
A wife was in the kitchen making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly , her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Devil's most 'used' instrument
Devil's most 'used' instrument
It was advertised that the devil was going to put his tools up for sale. On the date of the sale, the tools were placed for public inspection; each tool being marked with its sale price.
They were a treacherous lot of implements... Hatred, Envy, Jealousy, Deceit, Lying, Pride, and so on.
Laid apart from the rest was a harmless looking tool, that appeared to have been heavily used, and was priced very high.
"What is the name of this tool?" asked one of the purchasers, pointing to it. "That is Discouragement," replied the devil.
"Why have you priced it so high?"
"Because it is more useful to me than all the others. I can pry open and get inside people's hearts with that when I cannot get near them with my other tools. Once I get inside, I can make them do what I choose. It is badly worn because I use it on almost everyone, since very few people know that it belongs to me."
Never get discouraged! Keep your head up keep the faith!
It was advertised that the devil was going to put his tools up for sale. On the date of the sale, the tools were placed for public inspection; each tool being marked with its sale price.
They were a treacherous lot of implements... Hatred, Envy, Jealousy, Deceit, Lying, Pride, and so on.
Laid apart from the rest was a harmless looking tool, that appeared to have been heavily used, and was priced very high.
"What is the name of this tool?" asked one of the purchasers, pointing to it. "That is Discouragement," replied the devil.
"Why have you priced it so high?"
"Because it is more useful to me than all the others. I can pry open and get inside people's hearts with that when I cannot get near them with my other tools. Once I get inside, I can make them do what I choose. It is badly worn because I use it on almost everyone, since very few people know that it belongs to me."
Never get discouraged! Keep your head up keep the faith!
Real Love
Real Love
It was a gloomy Saturday afternoon. A flock of birds was spending great time searching for food and playing on the main road. Out of the sudden, a big truck sped through... sad thing had happened again.
Birds can feel too. Although this bird had already died, another bird flew over to her immediately, just like a family member, unable to accept the truth.
Not long after that, another car stormed in causing the dead bird's body to whirl with the wind. The spouse noticed the movement. As if she was still alive, he quickly flew beside her again.
He stayed beside her and yelled ... "WHY ARE YOU NOT GETTING UP!?"He stayed beside her and yelled ... "WHY ARE YOU NOT GETTING UP!?"
Unfortunately, she's no longer able to hear him. In the meantime, he's trying to lift her up.
He, of course, was unable to bear the burden. Another car soon passed by. He quickly flew off. Once the car had gone, he came down again.
Although other birds told him its useless, he never gave up. He was trying his best to lift her up to see her flying again. Another car passed by, her dead body whirled again as if still alive and trying to fly.
He had used all of his energy, however...
The photographer said he couldn't shoot any longer. The photographer was so worried that the living bird was going to get hurt by passing cars. So he picked up the dead bird and left it at the roadside. The live one still lingered at a nearby tree as if crying with his singing and refused to leave.
Do humans have the same feelings nowadays? I wonder.
It was a gloomy Saturday afternoon. A flock of birds was spending great time searching for food and playing on the main road. Out of the sudden, a big truck sped through... sad thing had happened again.
Birds can feel too. Although this bird had already died, another bird flew over to her immediately, just like a family member, unable to accept the truth.
Not long after that, another car stormed in causing the dead bird's body to whirl with the wind. The spouse noticed the movement. As if she was still alive, he quickly flew beside her again.
He stayed beside her and yelled ... "WHY ARE YOU NOT GETTING UP!?"He stayed beside her and yelled ... "WHY ARE YOU NOT GETTING UP!?"
Unfortunately, she's no longer able to hear him. In the meantime, he's trying to lift her up.
He, of course, was unable to bear the burden. Another car soon passed by. He quickly flew off. Once the car had gone, he came down again.
Although other birds told him its useless, he never gave up. He was trying his best to lift her up to see her flying again. Another car passed by, her dead body whirled again as if still alive and trying to fly.
He had used all of his energy, however...
The photographer said he couldn't shoot any longer. The photographer was so worried that the living bird was going to get hurt by passing cars. So he picked up the dead bird and left it at the roadside. The live one still lingered at a nearby tree as if crying with his singing and refused to leave.
Do humans have the same feelings nowadays? I wonder.
What's the difference between an embassy and a consulate?
What's the difference between an embassy and a consulate?
A consulate is like a junior embassy. It's generally located in a busy tourist city, and takes care of minor diplomatic tasks such as issuing visas.
The word consulate literally means office of the consul, who is a diplomat appointed to foster trade and take care of expatriates. You can read some pointed essays about the role of the modern day consulate at the American Foreign Service site.
Embassies are much bigger deals. The word embassy comes from the French ambassade, or office of the ambassador. Ambassadors are high-ranking diplomatic representatives who serve as spokespersons for their national governments.
If one country recognizes the sovereignty of another, they generally establish an embassy there. Embassies take care of the same administrative duties as consulates, but they also represent their governments abroad.
This can be tricky business. For instance, the United States doesn't maintain an embassy in Taiwan (in order to maintain diplomatic relations with China), but it does operates a consulate there to take care of its overseas citizens.
For an interesting online look at another prickly diplomatic relation, check out the U.S. Embassy in Malaysia, which features a reaction statement to the recent incarceration of Malaysia's former Deputy Prime Minister, Anwar Ibrahim.
You may recall the famous photograph from 1975 of American citizens ostensibly fleeing the American embassy in Saigon.
The building was in fact an apartment complex across the street, but the message was clear: once the embassy leaves, the country symbolically leaves.
A consulate is like a junior embassy. It's generally located in a busy tourist city, and takes care of minor diplomatic tasks such as issuing visas.
The word consulate literally means office of the consul, who is a diplomat appointed to foster trade and take care of expatriates. You can read some pointed essays about the role of the modern day consulate at the American Foreign Service site.
Embassies are much bigger deals. The word embassy comes from the French ambassade, or office of the ambassador. Ambassadors are high-ranking diplomatic representatives who serve as spokespersons for their national governments.
If one country recognizes the sovereignty of another, they generally establish an embassy there. Embassies take care of the same administrative duties as consulates, but they also represent their governments abroad.
This can be tricky business. For instance, the United States doesn't maintain an embassy in Taiwan (in order to maintain diplomatic relations with China), but it does operates a consulate there to take care of its overseas citizens.
For an interesting online look at another prickly diplomatic relation, check out the U.S. Embassy in Malaysia, which features a reaction statement to the recent incarceration of Malaysia's former Deputy Prime Minister, Anwar Ibrahim.
You may recall the famous photograph from 1975 of American citizens ostensibly fleeing the American embassy in Saigon.
The building was in fact an apartment complex across the street, but the message was clear: once the embassy leaves, the country symbolically leaves.
32 Strange Things You Likely Didn't Know
32 Strange Things You Likely Didn't Know
1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
7. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".
8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! (That explains a few mysteries... .)
10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564, 000.
13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.
14. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before.
15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who discovered this??)
17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen' s "Born in the USA."
19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so the called themselves Motorola.
22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
23. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, "Elementary, my dear Watson."
28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!
29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
32. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!
1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
7. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".
8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! (That explains a few mysteries... .)
10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564, 000.
13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.
14. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before.
15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who discovered this??)
17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen' s "Born in the USA."
19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so the called themselves Motorola.
22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
23. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, "Elementary, my dear Watson."
28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!
29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
32. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!
Ten Facts About Dreams
Ten Facts About Dreams
10. Blind People Dream
People who become blind after birth can see images in their dreams. People who are born blind do not see any images, but have dreams equally vivid involving their other senses of sound, smell, touch and emotion. It is hard for a seeing person to imagine, but the body's need for sleep is so strong that it is able to handle virtually all physical situations to make it happen.
9. You Forget 90% of your Dreams
Within 5 minutes of waking, half of your dream if forgotten. Within 10, 90% is gone. The famous poet, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, woke one morning having had a fantastic dream (likely opium induced) - he put pen to paper and began to describe his "vision in a dream" in what has become one of English's most famous poems: Kubla Khan. Part way through (54 lines in fact) he was interrupted by a "Person from Porlock". Coleridge returned to his poem but could not remember the rest of his dream. The poem was never completed.
8. Everybody Dreams
Every human being dreams (except in cases of extreme psychological disorder) but men and women have different dreams and different physical reactions. Men tend to dream more about other men, while women tend to dream equally about men and women. In addition, both men and women experience sexually related physical reactions to their dreams regardless of whether the dream is sexual in nature; males experience erections and females experience increased vaginal blood flow.
7. Dreams Prevent Psychosis
In a recent sleep study, students who were awakened at the beginning of each dream, but still allowed their 8 hours of sleep, all experienced difficulty in concentration, irritability, hallucinations, and signs of psychosis after only 3 days. When finally allowed their REM sleep the student's brains made up for lost time by greatly increasing the percentage of sleep spent in the REM stage. [Source]
6. We Only Dream of What We Know
Our dreams are frequently full of strangers who play out certain parts - did you know that your mind is not inventing those faces - they are real faces of real people that you have seen during your life but may not know or remember? The evil killer in your latest dream may be the guy who pumped petrol in to your Dad's car when you were just a little kid. We have all seen hundreds of thousands of faces through our lives, so we have an endless supply of characters for our brain to utilize during our dreams.
5. Not Everyone Dreams in Color
A full 12% of sighted people dream exclusively in black and white. The remaining number dream in full color. People also tend to have common themes in dreams, which are situations relating to school, being chased, running slowly/in place, sexual experiences, falling, arriving too late, a person now alive being dead, teeth falling out, flying, failing an examination, or a car accident. It is unknown whether the impact of a dream relating to violence or death is more emotionally charged for a person who dreams in color than one who dreams in black and white. [Source]
4. Dreams are not about what they are about
If you dream about some particular subject it is not often that the dream is about that. Dreams speak in a deeply symbolic language. The unconscious mind tries to compare your dream to something else, which is similar. Its like writing a poem and saying that a group of ants were like machines that never stop. But you would never compare something to itself, for example: "That beautiful sunset was like a beautiful sunset". So whatever symbol your dream picks on it is most unlikely to be a symbol for itself.
3. Quitters have more vivid dreams
People who have smoked cigarettes for a long time who stop, have reported much more vivid dreams than they would normally experience. Additionally, according to the Journal of Abnormal Psychology: "Among 293 smokers abstinent for between 1 and 4 weeks, 33% reported having at least 1 dream about smoking. In most dreams, subjects caught themselves smoking and felt strong negative emotions, such as panic and guilt. Dreams about smoking were the result of tobacco withdrawal, as 97% of subjects did not have them while smoking, and their occurrence was significantly related to the duration of abstinence. They were rated as more vivid than the usual dreams and were as common as most major tobacco withdrawal symptoms." [Source]
2. External Stimuli Invade our Dreams
This is called Dream Incorporation and it is the experience that most of us have had where a sound from reality is heard in our dream and incorporated in some way. A similar (though less external) example would be when you are physically thirsty and your mind incorporates that feeling in to your dream. My own experience of this includes repeatedly drinking a large glass of water in the dream which satisfies me, only to find the thirst returning shortly after - this thirst... drink... thirst... loop often recurs until I wake up and have a real drink. The famous painting above (Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening) by Salvador Dali, depicts this concept.
1. You are paralyzed while you sleep
Believe it or not, your body is virtually paralyzed during your sleep - most likely to prevent your body from acting out aspects of your dreams. According to the Wikipedia article on dreaming, "Glands begin to secrete a hormone that helps induce sleep and neurons send signals to the spinal cord which cause the body to relax and later become essentially paralyzed."
Bonus: Extra Facts
1. When you are snoring, you are not dreaming.
2. Toddlers do not dream about themselves until around the age of 3. From the same age, children typically have many more nightmares than adults do until age 7 or 8.
3. If you are awakened out of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, you are more likely to remember your dream in a more vivid way than you would if you woke from a full night sleep.
10. Blind People Dream
People who become blind after birth can see images in their dreams. People who are born blind do not see any images, but have dreams equally vivid involving their other senses of sound, smell, touch and emotion. It is hard for a seeing person to imagine, but the body's need for sleep is so strong that it is able to handle virtually all physical situations to make it happen.
9. You Forget 90% of your Dreams
Within 5 minutes of waking, half of your dream if forgotten. Within 10, 90% is gone. The famous poet, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, woke one morning having had a fantastic dream (likely opium induced) - he put pen to paper and began to describe his "vision in a dream" in what has become one of English's most famous poems: Kubla Khan. Part way through (54 lines in fact) he was interrupted by a "Person from Porlock". Coleridge returned to his poem but could not remember the rest of his dream. The poem was never completed.
8. Everybody Dreams
Every human being dreams (except in cases of extreme psychological disorder) but men and women have different dreams and different physical reactions. Men tend to dream more about other men, while women tend to dream equally about men and women. In addition, both men and women experience sexually related physical reactions to their dreams regardless of whether the dream is sexual in nature; males experience erections and females experience increased vaginal blood flow.
7. Dreams Prevent Psychosis
In a recent sleep study, students who were awakened at the beginning of each dream, but still allowed their 8 hours of sleep, all experienced difficulty in concentration, irritability, hallucinations, and signs of psychosis after only 3 days. When finally allowed their REM sleep the student's brains made up for lost time by greatly increasing the percentage of sleep spent in the REM stage. [Source]
6. We Only Dream of What We Know
Our dreams are frequently full of strangers who play out certain parts - did you know that your mind is not inventing those faces - they are real faces of real people that you have seen during your life but may not know or remember? The evil killer in your latest dream may be the guy who pumped petrol in to your Dad's car when you were just a little kid. We have all seen hundreds of thousands of faces through our lives, so we have an endless supply of characters for our brain to utilize during our dreams.
5. Not Everyone Dreams in Color
A full 12% of sighted people dream exclusively in black and white. The remaining number dream in full color. People also tend to have common themes in dreams, which are situations relating to school, being chased, running slowly/in place, sexual experiences, falling, arriving too late, a person now alive being dead, teeth falling out, flying, failing an examination, or a car accident. It is unknown whether the impact of a dream relating to violence or death is more emotionally charged for a person who dreams in color than one who dreams in black and white. [Source]
4. Dreams are not about what they are about
If you dream about some particular subject it is not often that the dream is about that. Dreams speak in a deeply symbolic language. The unconscious mind tries to compare your dream to something else, which is similar. Its like writing a poem and saying that a group of ants were like machines that never stop. But you would never compare something to itself, for example: "That beautiful sunset was like a beautiful sunset". So whatever symbol your dream picks on it is most unlikely to be a symbol for itself.
3. Quitters have more vivid dreams
People who have smoked cigarettes for a long time who stop, have reported much more vivid dreams than they would normally experience. Additionally, according to the Journal of Abnormal Psychology: "Among 293 smokers abstinent for between 1 and 4 weeks, 33% reported having at least 1 dream about smoking. In most dreams, subjects caught themselves smoking and felt strong negative emotions, such as panic and guilt. Dreams about smoking were the result of tobacco withdrawal, as 97% of subjects did not have them while smoking, and their occurrence was significantly related to the duration of abstinence. They were rated as more vivid than the usual dreams and were as common as most major tobacco withdrawal symptoms." [Source]
2. External Stimuli Invade our Dreams
This is called Dream Incorporation and it is the experience that most of us have had where a sound from reality is heard in our dream and incorporated in some way. A similar (though less external) example would be when you are physically thirsty and your mind incorporates that feeling in to your dream. My own experience of this includes repeatedly drinking a large glass of water in the dream which satisfies me, only to find the thirst returning shortly after - this thirst... drink... thirst... loop often recurs until I wake up and have a real drink. The famous painting above (Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening) by Salvador Dali, depicts this concept.
1. You are paralyzed while you sleep
Believe it or not, your body is virtually paralyzed during your sleep - most likely to prevent your body from acting out aspects of your dreams. According to the Wikipedia article on dreaming, "Glands begin to secrete a hormone that helps induce sleep and neurons send signals to the spinal cord which cause the body to relax and later become essentially paralyzed."
Bonus: Extra Facts
1. When you are snoring, you are not dreaming.
2. Toddlers do not dream about themselves until around the age of 3. From the same age, children typically have many more nightmares than adults do until age 7 or 8.
3. If you are awakened out of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, you are more likely to remember your dream in a more vivid way than you would if you woke from a full night sleep.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Life Is A Gift
Life Is A Gift
Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.
Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, and fulfill it.
Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.
Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, and fulfill it.
Presence Of Mind
Presence Of Mind
During one of the selection procedures, a young professional was being interviewed. Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or only one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"
The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you" said the interviewer, "you have made your own choice! Now tell me this...What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his selection depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked.
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
He was selected !!!
Moral of the Story : "Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the mastery of simplicity....."
During one of the selection procedures, a young professional was being interviewed. Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or only one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"
The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you" said the interviewer, "you have made your own choice! Now tell me this...What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his selection depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked.
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
He was selected !!!
Moral of the Story : "Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the mastery of simplicity....."
A Consultant
A Consultant
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thinkpad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep".
"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.
Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
"OK, why not" answered the young man.
"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business. Now give me back my dog".
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thinkpad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep".
"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.
Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
"OK, why not" answered the young man.
"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business. Now give me back my dog".
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Principles of life
Principles of life
- Winning isn't everything. But wanting to win is.
- You would achieve more, if you don't mind who gets the credit.
- When everything else is lost, the future still remains.
- Don't fight too much. Or the enemy would know your art of war.
- The only job you start at the top is when you dig a grave.
- If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything.
- If you do little things well, you'll do big ones better.
- Only thing that comes to you without effort is old age.
- You won't get a second chance to make the first impression.
- Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.
- Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution.
- If you are not failing you're not taking enough risks.
- Don't try to get rid of bad temper by losing it.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Those who don't make mistakes usually don't make anything.
- There are two kinds of failures. Those who think and never do, and those who do and never think.
- Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
- All progress has resulted from unpopular decisions.
- Change your thoughts and you change your world.
- Understanding proves intelligence, not the speed of the learning.
- There are two kinds of fools in this world. Those who give advise and those who don't take it.
- The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.
- Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things.
- Friendship founded on business is always better than business founded on friendship.
How to succeed
How to succeed
PLAN while others are playing.
STUDY while others are sleeping.
DECIDE while others are delaying.
PREPARE while others are daydreaming.
BEGIN while others are procrastinating.
WORK while others are wishing.
SAVE while others are wasting.
LISTEN while others are talking
SMILE while others are frowning
COMMEND while others are criticizing.
PERSIST while others are quitting.
WORDS OF WISDOM IN THE FORM OF QUOTES
WORDS OF WISDOM IN THE FORM OF QUOTES
"Focused will is incredible. If you have a dream and you don't give up no matter what obstacles come up, then life's problems will fall away and you will get what you want. It happens. It works." ~~ Yanni
"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." ~~ Bernice Johnson Reagon
"Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above it." ~~ Washington Irving
"The obstacles you face are... mental barriers which can be broken by adopting a more positive approach." ~~ Clarence Blasier
"To be successful you must accept all challenges that come your way. You can't just accept the ones you like." ~~ Mike Gafka
"Focused will is incredible. If you have a dream and you don't give up no matter what obstacles come up, then life's problems will fall away and you will get what you want. It happens. It works." ~~ Yanni
"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." ~~ Bernice Johnson Reagon
"Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above it." ~~ Washington Irving
"The obstacles you face are... mental barriers which can be broken by adopting a more positive approach." ~~ Clarence Blasier
"To be successful you must accept all challenges that come your way. You can't just accept the ones you like." ~~ Mike Gafka
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
A Bad Mistake
A Bad Mistake
1st woman: Hi! My name is Lydia.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
1st woman: Hi! My name is Lydia.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
MONKEY IN THE PLANE
MONKEY IN THE PLANE
Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.
Officer: 'When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Tying their belts'
Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Saying Hello! Good morning!'
Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Checking the system'
Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Looking for my people'
Officer: 'After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Having beverages and snacks'
Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Serving the travelers'
Officer: 'What were the Pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'
Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Eating & throwing'
Officer: 'After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Some were sleeping and some were reading'
Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Make up'
Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'
Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Nothing'
Officer: 'Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'All were sleeping'
Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the air hostess'
Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!
WHATTTT???!!!!
Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.
Officer: 'When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Tying their belts'
Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Saying Hello! Good morning!'
Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Checking the system'
Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Looking for my people'
Officer: 'After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Having beverages and snacks'
Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Serving the travelers'
Officer: 'What were the Pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'
Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Eating & throwing'
Officer: 'After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Some were sleeping and some were reading'
Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Make up'
Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'
Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Nothing'
Officer: 'Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'All were sleeping'
Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the air hostess'
Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!
WHATTTT???!!!!
Alphabets of Happiness
Alphabets of Happiness
A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.
B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.
D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.
E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.
I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.
J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.
K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.
M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.
N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.
P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.
Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.
R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.
S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.
V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.
W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.
X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.
Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.
Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.
A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.
B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.
D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.
E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.
I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.
J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.
K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.
M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.
N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.
P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.
Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.
R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.
S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.
V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.
W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.
X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.
Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.
Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.
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