Investment
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed.
"What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."
Monday, April 23, 2012
Profesions Fight
Profesions Fight
Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," says the attorney, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you." While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe and spits in it.
When he returns with the coke, the other physician says, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the attorney obligingly fetches the drink. While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe and spits in it. The lawyer comes back and they all sit back and enjoy the flight.
As the plane is landing, however, the attorney slips his feet into his shoes and realizes immediately what has happened. "How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," says the attorney, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you." While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe and spits in it.
When he returns with the coke, the other physician says, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the attorney obligingly fetches the drink. While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe and spits in it. The lawyer comes back and they all sit back and enjoy the flight.
As the plane is landing, however, the attorney slips his feet into his shoes and realizes immediately what has happened. "How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
The Love Story Of Ralph And Edna
The Love Story Of Ralph And Edna
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
Welcome to the Republican Party
So, I was talking to this little girl, Catherine, the daughter of some friends, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine - 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'
Catherine replied - 'I would give houses to all the homeless people.'
'Wow - what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine.'
I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use for a new house.'
Catherine (who was about 4) thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me seething, and Catherine replied, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5 dollars?'
And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party".
Catherine replied - 'I would give houses to all the homeless people.'
'Wow - what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine.'
I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use for a new house.'
Catherine (who was about 4) thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me seething, and Catherine replied, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5 dollars?'
And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party".
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Follow these 7 tips to a healthier life
Follow These 7 Tips to A Healthier Life
By Geoff Tan* | my paper | Tuesday, Apr 17, 2012
This article is inspired by a slide presentation - entitled The Art Of Being Well - by medical doctor, writer and TV personality Drauzio Varella, who recommends seven things that we must do if we do not want to fall ill.
I'll share with you his headers and offer my take on what these seven mean to me.
If you don't want to fall ill, speak your feelings.
There's nothing like letting out all your pent-up feelings from deep within. Bottling them up will just raise your stress levels and cause all forms of internal imbalances, possibly resulting in ulcers, gastritis, backaches and, sometimes, even cancer.
If you don't want to be ill, make decisions.
When you are undecided about things, anxiety and doubt creep in. This could result in unnecessary trauma, worries and - many a time - relationship problems. More often than not, procrastination will result in less-than-healthy outcomes.
If you don't want to be ill, find solutions.
Be positive and actively look for answers. Nip a small matter in the bud so that it will not have a chance to grow into an unmanageable animal.
If you don't want to be ill, don't live by appearances.
I am not referring to what we wear physically, but to any pseudo image we adopt that is far from our true selves. Being positive and true to oneself is the way to go. As for the rest, in Dr Varella's words, "their destiny is the pharmacy, the hospital and pain".
If you don't want to be ill, accept.
Only by accepting ourselves can we boost self-esteem and eradicate all forms of negativity, such as jealousy, arrogance and envy. There is so much to benefit from by just being one with ourselves.
If you don't want to be ill, trust.
Without trust, there can be no true friendships. Your relationships will tend to be shallow and peripheral, and you would always be on your guard, your defences always up - but your resistance to ailments can only go down.
If you don't want to be ill, do not live life sad.
Someone once said: "Good humour saves us from the hands of the doctor." How true this is. Take every opportunity to joke, laugh and be happy. These traits are highly contagious and, the more we spread these positive "viruses", the more folk around us cannot help but contract good health and peace of mind as well.
Live your life with some or all of the above in mind and you can expect to be rewarded with a positive spirit, a healthy mind, a vibrant aura and a holistic healthy disposition.
*The writer is a senior vice-president of Singapore Press Holdings' marketing division.
By Geoff Tan* | my paper | Tuesday, Apr 17, 2012
This article is inspired by a slide presentation - entitled The Art Of Being Well - by medical doctor, writer and TV personality Drauzio Varella, who recommends seven things that we must do if we do not want to fall ill.
I'll share with you his headers and offer my take on what these seven mean to me.
If you don't want to fall ill, speak your feelings.
There's nothing like letting out all your pent-up feelings from deep within. Bottling them up will just raise your stress levels and cause all forms of internal imbalances, possibly resulting in ulcers, gastritis, backaches and, sometimes, even cancer.
If you don't want to be ill, make decisions.
When you are undecided about things, anxiety and doubt creep in. This could result in unnecessary trauma, worries and - many a time - relationship problems. More often than not, procrastination will result in less-than-healthy outcomes.
If you don't want to be ill, find solutions.
Be positive and actively look for answers. Nip a small matter in the bud so that it will not have a chance to grow into an unmanageable animal.
If you don't want to be ill, don't live by appearances.
I am not referring to what we wear physically, but to any pseudo image we adopt that is far from our true selves. Being positive and true to oneself is the way to go. As for the rest, in Dr Varella's words, "their destiny is the pharmacy, the hospital and pain".
If you don't want to be ill, accept.
Only by accepting ourselves can we boost self-esteem and eradicate all forms of negativity, such as jealousy, arrogance and envy. There is so much to benefit from by just being one with ourselves.
If you don't want to be ill, trust.
Without trust, there can be no true friendships. Your relationships will tend to be shallow and peripheral, and you would always be on your guard, your defences always up - but your resistance to ailments can only go down.
If you don't want to be ill, do not live life sad.
Someone once said: "Good humour saves us from the hands of the doctor." How true this is. Take every opportunity to joke, laugh and be happy. These traits are highly contagious and, the more we spread these positive "viruses", the more folk around us cannot help but contract good health and peace of mind as well.
Live your life with some or all of the above in mind and you can expect to be rewarded with a positive spirit, a healthy mind, a vibrant aura and a holistic healthy disposition.
*The writer is a senior vice-president of Singapore Press Holdings' marketing division.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
The Mouse, the Frog, and the Hawk
The Mouse, the Frog, and the Hawk
A Mouse who always lived on the land, by an unlucky chance, formed an intimate acquaintance with a Frog, who lived, for the most part, in the water. One day, the Frog was intent on mischief. He tied the foot of the Mouse tightly to his own. Thus joined together, the Frog led his friend the Mouse to the meadow where they usually searched for food.
After this, he gradually led him towards the pond in which he lived, until reaching the banks of the water, he suddenly jumped in, dragging the Mouse with him. The Frog enjoyed the water amazingly, and swam croaking about, as if he had done a good deed. The unhappy Mouse was soon sputtered and drowned in the water, and his poor dead body floating about on the surface.
A Hawk observed the foating Mouse from the sky, and dove down and grabbed it with his talons, carrying it back to his nest. The Frog, being still fastened to the leg of the Mouse, was also carried off a prisoner, and was eaten by the Hawk.
MORAL : "Choose your allies carefully"
A Mouse who always lived on the land, by an unlucky chance, formed an intimate acquaintance with a Frog, who lived, for the most part, in the water. One day, the Frog was intent on mischief. He tied the foot of the Mouse tightly to his own. Thus joined together, the Frog led his friend the Mouse to the meadow where they usually searched for food.
After this, he gradually led him towards the pond in which he lived, until reaching the banks of the water, he suddenly jumped in, dragging the Mouse with him. The Frog enjoyed the water amazingly, and swam croaking about, as if he had done a good deed. The unhappy Mouse was soon sputtered and drowned in the water, and his poor dead body floating about on the surface.
A Hawk observed the foating Mouse from the sky, and dove down and grabbed it with his talons, carrying it back to his nest. The Frog, being still fastened to the leg of the Mouse, was also carried off a prisoner, and was eaten by the Hawk.
MORAL : "Choose your allies carefully"
Dad and Son
Dad and Son
Junior had just received his brand new driver's license. The family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to the ol' man.
"Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
Junior had just received his brand new driver's license. The family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to the ol' man.
"Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
Management Course Lesson #4
Management Course Lesson #4
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
”It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.
“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
”It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.
“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Falling Asleep
Falling Asleep
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'.
The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'.
The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Alphabet Fun
Alphabet Fun
The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson. "I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin... A!" All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'.
She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "Apple". "Very good", said the teacher,
"Now ... B! ". Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "Ball".
This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up. The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.
Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a big, fat, f**kin' Rat!"
The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson. "I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin... A!" All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'.
She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "Apple". "Very good", said the teacher,
"Now ... B! ". Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "Ball".
This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up. The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.
Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a big, fat, f**kin' Rat!"
Management Course Lesson #3
Management Course Lesson #3:
A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I'll give each of you just one wish.”
”Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. “Puff!” She's gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the sales representative. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. “Puff!” He's gone.
“OK, you're up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I'll give each of you just one wish.”
”Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. “Puff!” She's gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the sales representative. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. “Puff!” He's gone.
“OK, you're up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Retirement Center
Retirement Center
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
FACTBOX - Largest earthquakes since 1900
FACTBOX - Largest earthquakes since 1900
REUTERS - Here is a factbox showing the 10 strongest earthquakes recorded since 1900, by order of magnitude as Indonesia issued a tsunami warning after a huge 8.7 magnitude earthquake struck off its westernmost province of Aceh on Wednesday.- May 22, 1960 - Chile - An earthquake of magnitude 9.5 struck Santiago and Concepcion, triggering tidal waves and volcanic eruptions. Some 5,000 people were killed and 2 million made homeless.
- March 28, 1964 - Alaska - An earthquake and ensuing tsunami killed 125 people and caused about $310 million in property loss. The magnitude 9. 2 qu ake buffeted a large area of Alaska and parts of western Yukon Territory and British Columbia in Canada.
- December 26, 2004 - Indonesia - A magnitude 9.1 quake struck off the coast of Aceh province on the Indonesian island of Sumatra, setting off a tsunami that killed more than 226,000 people in Sri Lanka, Thailand, Indonesia, India and nine other countries.
- November 4, 1952 - Russia - An earthquake with a magnitude of 9.0 g enerated a tsunami that reached the Hawaiian islands. No lives were lost.
- March 11, 2011 - An 9.0 magnitude quake struck Japan, causing many injuries. The U.S. Geological Survey verified the quake at a depth of 15.1 miles and located it at 81 miles east of Sendai, on the main island of Honshu.
-- The quake was the strongest in Japan on record, and a big tsunami followed, which triggered the world's worst nuclear crisis in the 25 years since Chernobyl. More than 15,000 people died from the combination of the earthquake and tsunami.
-- The Philippines, Taiwan and Indonesia all issued tsunami alerts, reviving memories of the giant tsunami which struck Asia in 2004. The Pacific Tsunami Warning Center issued alerts for countries as far away as Colombia and Peru. - February 27, 2010 - Chile - An 8.8 magnitude quake and subsequent tsunami in Chile killed more than 500 people and caused some $30 billion in damage, wrecking hundreds of thousands of homes and mangling highways and bridges.
- January 31, 1906 - Ecuador - An earthquake with a magnitude of 8 .8 s truck off the coast of Ecuador and Colombia, generating a tsunami that killed up to 1,000 people. It was felt all along the coast of Central America and as far north as San Francisco and west to Japan.
- April 11, 2012 - A huge 8.7 magnitude quake struck Indonesia's Aceh province some 308 miles southwest of the province's capital Banda Aceh.
-- The quake was felt as far away as Singapore, Thailand and India. - February 4, 1965 - Alaska - An earthquake of magnitude 8.7 g enerated a tsunami reported to be about 35 feet (10.7 metres) high on Shemya Island.
- March 28, 2005 - A magnitude 8. 6 quake off Sumatra was estimated to have killed 1,300 people, many on Nias island off Sumatra's west coast.
(Reporting by David Cutler, London Editorial Reference Unit; Editing by Sanjeev Miglani; david.cutler@thomsonreuters.com; +44 20 7542 7968; Reuters; Messaging: david.cutler.thomsonreuters.com@reuters.net)
Love Poets (Old vs New version)
"The Old Version"
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was.
"The New Versions"
Pessimist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.
Optimist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Don't worry, she will come back.
Suspicious:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
Impatient:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back soon,
Forget her.
Patient:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back soon,
Continue to wait until she does come back.
Playful:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
*If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat*
Vengeful:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back,
Hunt her down and shoot her.
C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she = NULL)
m_she = new CShe;
Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Because all living creatures deserve to be free!
Lawyers:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the
Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that ...
Bill Gates:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for reinstallation fees
but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
Biologist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
She'll evolve.
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was.
"The New Versions"
Pessimist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.
Optimist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Don't worry, she will come back.
Suspicious:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
Impatient:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back soon,
Forget her.
Patient:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back soon,
Continue to wait until she does come back.
Playful:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
*If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat*
Vengeful:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back,
Hunt her down and shoot her.
C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she = NULL)
m_she = new CShe;
Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Because all living creatures deserve to be free!
Lawyers:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the
Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that ...
Bill Gates:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for reinstallation fees
but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
Biologist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
She'll evolve.
Prime Minister of Japan
Prime Minister of Japan is Hillary's Husband. :)
A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US: Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.
The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton,please say 'how are you'. Then Mr Clinton should say "I am fine, and you ?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we translators will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is.. When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor : "Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..." Then Mori replied confidently "Me too!" "
*it's unknown whether this is a true story or just a fictional joke*
A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US: Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.
The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton,please say 'how are you'. Then Mr Clinton should say "I am fine, and you ?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we translators will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is.. When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor : "Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..." Then Mori replied confidently "Me too!" "
*it's unknown whether this is a true story or just a fictional joke*
New Rooster
New Rooster
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."
The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! -- he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Damn...third gay rooster I've bought this month."
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."
The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! -- he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Damn...third gay rooster I've bought this month."
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Management Course Lesson :2
Management Course Lesson :2
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Husbands are husbands
Husbands are Husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Julie on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man then said "When I was at the races last week Julie was the name of the horse I bet on" The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. "Your horse called up !!!!"
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Julie on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man then said "When I was at the races last week Julie was the name of the horse I bet on" The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. "Your horse called up !!!!"
Management Course Lesson :1
Management Course Lesson :1
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree” sighed the turkey, “but I haven't got the energy.”
”Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They're packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree” sighed the turkey, “but I haven't got the energy.”
”Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They're packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Tall Grass
Tall Grass
A man was riding in the back of his limo when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food" the poor man replied.
"Oh ... please come to my home" said the rich man.
"But sir, I have a wife and 4 children".
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed in the limo and half way away the poor fellow said, "Sir you are too kind. Thank you for taking us all in".
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over 3 feet tall!"
A man was riding in the back of his limo when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food" the poor man replied.
"Oh ... please come to my home" said the rich man.
"But sir, I have a wife and 4 children".
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed in the limo and half way away the poor fellow said, "Sir you are too kind. Thank you for taking us all in".
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over 3 feet tall!"
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Words Women Use
Words Women Use
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not! faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not! faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
What Goes Around Comes Around
What Goes Around Comes Around
One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her?
He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you.
He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him.
She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me." He waited until she started her car and drove off.
It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase.
The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan. After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.
There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you." Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard.... She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."
There is an old saying "What goes around comes around."
Today, I sent you this story and I'm asking you to pass it on... Let this light shine.
One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her?
He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you.
He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him.
She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me." He waited until she started her car and drove off.
It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase.
The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan. After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.
There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you." Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard.... She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."
There is an old saying "What goes around comes around."
Today, I sent you this story and I'm asking you to pass it on... Let this light shine.
How To Impress a Client
How To Impress a Client
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?"
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I'm waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say "Hi Tom?"
"Sure."
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, Tom," he said.
I replied, "Shut up, Bill, I'm in a meeting!!"
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?"
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I'm waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say "Hi Tom?"
"Sure."
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, Tom," he said.
I replied, "Shut up, Bill, I'm in a meeting!!"
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Barack Obama Humor
Barack Obama Humor
Is America finally ready for a black president? That's a question many people are asking these days, as Senator Barack Obama takes the firststeps toward a potential run for the White House in 2008. Obama, 45, born in Hawaii to a Kenyan father and white American mother, is a popular figure and rising star in the Democratic Party, but faces several hurdle as he seeks to become the first pres id ent in U.S. history to understand what Jesse Jackson is saying.
Perhaps the biggest hurdle will be his name, which some Americans are already confusing with another well-known name, as a CNN reporter discovered while interviewing people on the streets of New York.
Reporter: "What do you think of Barack Obama?"
Middle-aged man: "I think we should be trying harder to capture him.What are we doing in Iraq when Obama is still out there, still a threat to America ?"
Reporter: "No, I mean Barack Obama from Chicago . What do you think of him?"
Middle-aged man: "You mean he's in Chicago now? How d id he get into the country? Don't tell me he came through Mexico ! We really need to tighten our borders."
When it was revealed that Obama's middle name is Hussein, many more people were confused, as the CNN reporter found out on the streets of Atlanta.
Reporter: "What do you think of Barack Hussein Obama?"
Thirty-something man: "He got what was coming to him, that's all I can say. He committed crimes against humanity and got what he deserved. Idon'tf eel sorry for him at all."
Reporter: "No, I mean Barack Hussein Obama from Chicago ."
Thirty-something man: "You mean he was from Chicago ? How the heck did he get to be president of Iraq? Come to think of it, I did notice a slight Chicago accent. Too bad he did n't live for a few more weeks. He could have watched the Bears in the Super Bowl."
Barack Obama may seem like a fairly easy name to remember, but even some of his supporters are having trouble with it, as the CNN reporter discovered on the streets of Chicago.
Reporter: "May I ask whom you plan to vote for in 2008?"
Twenty-year-old man: "I really like that guy, what's his name, Obrack Barama."
Reporter: "What about you, Sir? Who gets your vote in 2008?"
Nineteen-year- old man: "Your Mama."
Reporter: "Pardon me?"
Nineteen-year- old man: "Broke Your Mama. That's who I'm voting for.Broke Your Mama."
Reporter: "Oh, I see. And what about you, Miss?"
Twenty-one-year-old woman: "Me? I'm voting for ... uh ... Baroque Alabama".
Obama may overcome the confusion and concerns over his name, but it'll be harder to overcome racism. I'd like to think that the majority of Americans and certainly the vast majority of the younger generation --don't have a racist bone in their bodies or are at least taking medication for it. But it often takes just a small number of votes to sway an election. The 2004 pres id ential election was so close, John Kerry would have beaten George Bush if he had merely convinced everyone named 'John' to vote for him. The 2000 election was even closer. Al Gore would have beaten Bush if he had merely convinced Larry King's ex-wives to vote for him. If Obama gets the Democratic Party's nomination, bus loads of white supremacists may show up at the polls.
Reporter: "May I ask whom you're voting for?"
Supremacist: "What kind of (bleep) question is that? The white guy, of course."
Reporter: "So you agree with him about Iraq ?"
Supremacist: "Of course I do. Our country doesn't need Iraq Boboma --or whatever his name is."
Is America finally ready for a black president? That's a question many people are asking these days, as Senator Barack Obama takes the firststeps toward a potential run for the White House in 2008. Obama, 45, born in Hawaii to a Kenyan father and white American mother, is a popular figure and rising star in the Democratic Party, but faces several hurdle as he seeks to become the first pres id ent in U.S. history to understand what Jesse Jackson is saying.
Perhaps the biggest hurdle will be his name, which some Americans are already confusing with another well-known name, as a CNN reporter discovered while interviewing people on the streets of New York.
Reporter: "What do you think of Barack Obama?"
Middle-aged man: "I think we should be trying harder to capture him.What are we doing in Iraq when Obama is still out there, still a threat to America ?"
Reporter: "No, I mean Barack Obama from Chicago . What do you think of him?"
Middle-aged man: "You mean he's in Chicago now? How d id he get into the country? Don't tell me he came through Mexico ! We really need to tighten our borders."
When it was revealed that Obama's middle name is Hussein, many more people were confused, as the CNN reporter found out on the streets of Atlanta.
Reporter: "What do you think of Barack Hussein Obama?"
Thirty-something man: "He got what was coming to him, that's all I can say. He committed crimes against humanity and got what he deserved. Idon'tf eel sorry for him at all."
Reporter: "No, I mean Barack Hussein Obama from Chicago ."
Thirty-something man: "You mean he was from Chicago ? How the heck did he get to be president of Iraq? Come to think of it, I did notice a slight Chicago accent. Too bad he did n't live for a few more weeks. He could have watched the Bears in the Super Bowl."
Barack Obama may seem like a fairly easy name to remember, but even some of his supporters are having trouble with it, as the CNN reporter discovered on the streets of Chicago.
Reporter: "May I ask whom you plan to vote for in 2008?"
Twenty-year-old man: "I really like that guy, what's his name, Obrack Barama."
Reporter: "What about you, Sir? Who gets your vote in 2008?"
Nineteen-year- old man: "Your Mama."
Reporter: "Pardon me?"
Nineteen-year- old man: "Broke Your Mama. That's who I'm voting for.Broke Your Mama."
Reporter: "Oh, I see. And what about you, Miss?"
Twenty-one-year-old woman: "Me? I'm voting for ... uh ... Baroque Alabama".
Obama may overcome the confusion and concerns over his name, but it'll be harder to overcome racism. I'd like to think that the majority of Americans and certainly the vast majority of the younger generation --don't have a racist bone in their bodies or are at least taking medication for it. But it often takes just a small number of votes to sway an election. The 2004 pres id ential election was so close, John Kerry would have beaten George Bush if he had merely convinced everyone named 'John' to vote for him. The 2000 election was even closer. Al Gore would have beaten Bush if he had merely convinced Larry King's ex-wives to vote for him. If Obama gets the Democratic Party's nomination, bus loads of white supremacists may show up at the polls.
Reporter: "May I ask whom you're voting for?"
Supremacist: "What kind of (bleep) question is that? The white guy, of course."
Reporter: "So you agree with him about Iraq ?"
Supremacist: "Of course I do. Our country doesn't need Iraq Boboma --or whatever his name is."
A Nice Lesson
A Nice Lesson
Once a boy went to a shop with his mother. The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets and said "Dear Child..u can take the sweets..". But the child didnt take. The shop keeper was surprised. Such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle.
Again he said take the sweets. Now the mother also heard that and said, "Take the sweets, Dear..". Yet he didnt take. The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets, he himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.
While returning home the Mother asked the child, "Why didnt you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take?".
Can you guess the response:
Child replies, "Mom! My hands are very small and if I take the sweets I can only take few.. but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands.... how many more sweets I got!"
Moral: When we take we may get little but when God gives... HE gives us more beyond our expectations... more than what we can hold..!!
Unconditional Love
Unconditional Love
Some time ago, a friend of mine punished his 4 year old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper.
Money was tight and he became infuriated when the small child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree. Nevertheless the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said "This is for you Daddy."
He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction. He opened the box and his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. Then he yelled at her: "DON'T YOU KNOW when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside of it???"
The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Oh Daddy it's not empty, I blew kisses into the box, all for you Daddy".
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her for forgiveness. My friend told me that he kept that gold box near his bed for years. Whenever he was discouraged he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a very real sense each of us has been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
Some time ago, a friend of mine punished his 4 year old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper.
Money was tight and he became infuriated when the small child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree. Nevertheless the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said "This is for you Daddy."
He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction. He opened the box and his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. Then he yelled at her: "DON'T YOU KNOW when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside of it???"
The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Oh Daddy it's not empty, I blew kisses into the box, all for you Daddy".
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her for forgiveness. My friend told me that he kept that gold box near his bed for years. Whenever he was discouraged he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a very real sense each of us has been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
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